Archive for February, 2010
May 25, 2009
Why T20 rules and why Rahul Dravid is an idiot
Lalit Modi deserves all the cool stuff he gets from life because his Indian Premier League is a fucking blessing. Cricket ceased to excite me a few years ago, mainly because I was discovering more interesting things. Last year’s IPL was engaging of course, and in 2009 the game is anything but boring.
Saturday saw Vijay Mallya jumping as his team Royal Challengers Bangalore thwacked Chennai Super Kings and entered the finals. For some reason, I don’t like Dhoni one bit and his team’s uniform is yellow and they’re pathetic fielders. The large booze baron was so happy that he gave Katrina Kaif a peck on the cheek and continued his on-the-spot hopping.
My friend/bandmember Yash and I had decided to start betting and yesterday seemed like a good day to launch our new careers. I wanted Royal Challengers to win because their team uniform is red and I like Royal Challenge (the beer, not the whisky). I also wanted to see fat boy Mallya do his PT exercise again, so drummer-boy Yash had no choice but to support Deccan Chargers (Hyderabad?).
Having a great view of the TV set at Alfredo’s, our debit cards copulated (his debit card is female) on the lovely table and we ordered away. I wondered for a brief moment if Shahrukh Khan was relieved his team was sent packing by pretty much every other team much earlier, for it’d have been much more awkward if his team had made it to the finals only to lose to Mallya’s.
Yash: What if Mallya’s team wins?
Me: He’ll have a Kingfisher Mild.
Yash: Aur agar haar gaya toh?
Me: Do peeyega.
Anil Kumble and party were doing well, and Yash kept repeating that the match was fixed. Anyway, unless you were farting in Hawaii you should know the outcome. One fellow I really want to whack is Rahul Dravid, and I’ve wanted to do it ever since that ‘Be A Jammy’ ad made an appearance on television. And I’m sure Vijay Mallya wanted to break a bottle of warm Kingfisher Blue (crap brew, btw) on Dravid’s head when he dropped a halwa catch like a zombie. Be a jammy, haan? Choot.
I wished Royal Challengers had won, for I wanted to see fatboy slim do a bit of jumping and clapping. He really needs the exercise, but even more than that because I wanted Yash to foot the entire bill.
We’d downed some five pitchers and a lot of food (meatloaf sucks, btw), so Yash and I had a super time irrespective of anything else. Deccan Chargers won IPL 2009, so I had to ante up, but why did they make Katrina dance to the remix of Jai Ho? And why was Akon lip synching to previously recorded bullshit? Who cares, I’m just asking.
At some point, Yash placed his mug on his head and started grinning and dancing in his chair and that’s when I lunged forward and nearly punched the little shit.
Great fireworks and all, and Deccan Chargers had hot cheerleaders. T20 rules.
Me to Yash, on the way home: “Aaj toh Mallya quarter peeyega.”
Coming soon…Mera No. 1
DISCLAIMER: All the views expressed above belong solely to the author, no one else has time to think up so much garbage. The author has also quit his betting career, which till 24 hours ago seemed lucrative.
From my Buzz18 blog “Lashkar-E-Shaitan”
Reached Bombay after 10 p.m. with a torn ligament and didn’t feel like sitting through a late night show. I’m sure Farhan Akhtar and Deepika Padokone had a nice time fucking. Been hearing good stuff about the movie; check out a review on Saurin’s website.
Genre: “Black Metal”
Black Metal has known no finer exponent than Burzum, no character more intriguing than Count Grishnackh. The composer of fine albums like Aske, Hvis Lyset Tar Oss, Filosofem and Hliðskjálf among others, Count Grishnackh’s odd behaviour fascinated me as much as his music. Burzum being a one-man project added greatly to his mystique, and all these factors led to Burzum becoming my all-time favourite Black Metal band.
Sentenced to 21 years in prison for arson and the murder of Øystein Aarseth, Count Grishnackh’s racist ideologies got tremendous exposure thanks to the media which was and is as taken by the man as many of us are. As much as I love architecture, I have to say the thought of churches burning is exciting as hell. As much as I love Mayhem, I have to say Euronymous was replaceable (he was replaced, wasn’t he?) and Varg Vikernes is not. One of them had to die; better Euronymous than Grishnackh.
Coming to the album at last, Belus is everything you expect and want the new Burzum record to be. Belus is very powerful music, a superb album from Burzum. The old bard picks up from where he left off, his sound and signature firmly in place, his trademark drumming and riffing keeping the pace steady and interesting throughout. Those who share my views on “pure music” will be satiated with what Count Grishnackh has done on Belus, meaning “The White God”. The essence of Burzum’s music is ever-present on Belus, and the purity of his sound intact. The man is feared, the band is here, the vision is clear. Black Metal has a white god – we know him as Varg.
Anyone else as the Ryan Bingham of Up In The Air would have been a casting disaster. Some roles are tailor-made for certain actors, I can’t think of anyone else as the protagonist of Up In The Air. George Clooney it is. Confident, suave, sexy, and yet vulnerable at times, Clooney carries Up In The Air on his shoulders, and like numerous times before, he is majestic.
Up In The Air is the story of Ryan Bingham, a high-flying (literally) downsizing expert. Bingham’s job is to fire people, it’s a tough job but he does it with ease. He consoles the victims, is humane with them, he delivers the news calmly and often tells them why being fired would now allow them to pursue their dreams. It’s a rotten thing to do, but someone’s gotta do it, and Bingham is an expert at it. He travels incessantly, he hates going home, rather feels at home on a flight. Ryan Bingham is a lovable character, it has been written very well, but made more likeable by Clooney.
Being on the road, oops, sorry, being up in the air is Bingham’s lifestyle choice, and an admirable one at that. He’s a privileged customer of airlines and hotels, he loves the status he’s got and Clooney does a wonderful job of making you jealous of it. He says he doesn’t need people, he stays away from any commitment, rarely meets his sisters. But Bingham meets Alex Goran (Vera Farmiga) at a hotel and in due course, falls for her. Clooney is wonderful when he acts unwittingly vulnerable during this part of the character’s life. Also fun to watch is Bingham’s interactions with his colleague Natalie Keener (Anna Kendrick). Natalie is a young exec; Bingham has been assigned the task of training her. Natalie doesn’t adhere to Bingham’s lifestyle philosophies and the way they clash make up an interesting part in the movie.
Up In The Air is an adaption of Walter Kim’s novel of the same name. Directed by Jason Reitman (known for classics like Juno and Thank You For Smoking), Up In The Air has been received well so far. It received six Golden Globe nominations, winning the Best Screenplay award. It has also received six Academy Award nominations.
Up In The Air is satirical at times, funny at times and dramatic at times. It’s a film about a man who fires people for a living, but at the same time, it’s also a film about a man who runs, or flies, away from commitment. His theories make sense at times, but seem melancholic too.
Overall, a well-made movie with a unique storyline. A definite must see.
By Devdutt Nawalkar
Mar 19, 2009
Didn’t care about the Filmfare Awards till Manoj Bajpai was nominated for his performance in Satya. Mumbai ka king Bhiku Mhatre ‘lost’ the Best Supporting Actor trophy to Salman Khan’s cameo in some dumb tearjerker. Now I don’t care about the Filmfare circus all over again.
Just when I thought Bollywood couldn’t get any more ridiculous, along comes the news that Amitabh Bachchan’s son will be addressing the Wharton Economic India Forum. This expressionless dude is always in the news for either breaking some dumb record no one with half a brain should even care about or saying sweet things about his wife (to the media). Now he will spout piles of pretentious bullshit to a dumb audience which will be paralysed star-struck. Has Pa blogged about it yet? I guess he has.
Something ultra-cool in Gulaal – the word ‘nihilism’ is written on the blackboard. Anurag Kashyap sure knows how to keep everyone in the audience hooked. Liked Gulaal better than Dev. D but I wish there weren’t so many people smoking joints. It gets boring after awhile, even for people who like a spliff every now and then.
Is there anyone else who’s plain sick of reading about Jade Goody? Did we care enough about her life to care about her death? That she became a celebrity by being on reality shows can be overlooked, but hogging the limelight while dying and ensuring she continues to get attention even a few days after her death is pushing it too far. While it may seem fitting that she gives her death to reality tv since it gave birth to her celeb status, I’m mighty bored. Hey man, people die all the time, and unless you’re being munched on by a Saltwater crocodile or are dying of a drug overdose, don’t be in the bloody news. Oh well, at least no one’s talking about the highly overrated Slumdog Millionaire anymore.
Coming soon… My Stomach Keeps Churning
DISCLAIMER: These wonderful views are entirely my own.
[From my Buzz18 blog "Lashkar-E-Shaitan"]