Archive for the 'Movie Reviews' Category



07
Sep
12

Movie Review: Raaz 3

Vikram Bhatt wants you to believe too many impossibilities

“If you love me, you can be stupid for me” says actress Bipasha Basu to director Emraan Hasmi. Bipasha’s career is on its way down and she is insanely jealous of actress Esha Gupta, who has overtaken her in just two years. Bipasha loses her seemingly unshakeable faith in god when Esha Gupta wins 2012 best actress award, and turns to a dark force to get her lost glory back.

This dark force is an aatma (a pret-aatma, actually) who, by his own admission, is somewhere between the worlds of life and death. This evil being has turned away from god, and in his residential area that comprises of a few chawls, small temples are covered with a cloth just because he hates god. He lives in a pool of sewage water that has empty mineral-water bottles floating about. Yeah, that’s where Bipasha goes to meet him.

This creature (let’s call him Mr Bhoot, because I don’t remember his name) looks like a fresh corpse, and can turn into a disgusting model of rotting flesh with maggots all over him whenever he wants to spook someone. Mr Bhoot gives Bipasha a bottle of water that Esha Gupta must drink in order to be trapped under his spell.

Bipasha has sex with Emraan Hashmi and it makes for a highly unappealing scene as she convinces him to cast Esha Gupta in his next movie and somehow make her drink that water. He does it, of course, and so the black magic begins.

The television set switches on and off just like that; Esha Gupta hears strange voices; her maid dies a horrible death – and that is one great horror scene. Other things happen as well: a Hindu psychic takes Esha Gupta to a Christian cemetery to perform a ritual. He goes to the world of spirits to get her soul back, and ends up decapitated. Too bad he’s Hindu, or he could’ve been buried right there. Emraan Hashmi and Esha Gupta have sex immediately after that guy’s death, and that’s pretty cool.

There are too many other such scenes: a clown from Esha’s childhood visits the studio to scare her, cockroaches make Esha Gupta take her clothes off and dash around naked in a party, and she ends up in the hospital after a nervous breakdown.

Do you get what’s happening? It’s not scary, really. First of all, you can’t believe the story, because you’ve seen Bipasha Basu do many other things. Secondly, you can’t get into the story, because Bipasha Basu is not a very convincing actor.

Emraan Hashmi is now in love with Esha Gupta, and Bipasha wants her dead. To get what she wants now, she has to have sex with Mr Bhoot in his decomposed avatar. Bhoot then goes to the hospital, and it is up to Emraan Hashmi to save Esha Gupta.

Allow me to ruin it – Emraan had buried an idol of Ganpati, when he could have immersed it a week from now. He exhumes it when he realizes he needs god’s help. While Emraan is bashing the crap out of Bhoot, a mouse gnaws at a rope that covers a small temple and breaks it to unveil a Ganesh statue. And Emraan Hashmi gets the strength to kill the ghost. All this just before Ganesh Chaturthi/Ganpati Visarjan.

A good thing about Raaz 3 is that it doesn’t have too many songs. Another good thing about Raaz 3 is that Emraan Hashmi can act sincerely. The best thing about Raaz 3 is that Esha Gupta looks hot. That’s it, and apart from the possessed-maid-killing-herself scene, there’s nothing in Raaz 3 worth watching even once.

And I know what that transparent liquid is, because only LSD in such strong doses could’ve made Esha Gupta hallucinate all those things and take her clothes off at an event. Not jadu-tona, not black magic, not bhoot-pret attacks – the raaz is that she’s enduring a bad acid trip.

RATING: 2/5

MOVIE REVIEWS: Ghost | Haunted | The Cabin In The Woods | Department | Question Mark | The Grey

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15
Aug
12

Movie Review: Ek Tha Tiger

Ek Tha Tiger is a love story in the guise of an action movie. Salman Khan, a RAW agent, falls in love with Katrina Kaif on a mission in another country. Katrina Kaif (Zoya, delightful) turns out to be an ISI agent (sorry for the spoiler) and Salman Khan must kill her. Directed by Kabir Khan, Aditya Chopra’s story starts in an unexciting way, with Tiger (Salman Khan, minus his usual bullshit) in an action sequence which moves either in slow motion or too fast to enjoy.

Given the star status he enjoys, Salman Khan deserves better roles, but this is still a lot more watchable than his last four releases (Wanted, Dabangg, Ready and Bodyguard were pieces of shit), and Katrina Kaif looks gorgeous and is a treat to watch in the action scenes, even though Ek Tha Tiger, as a thriller, is underwhelming.

Every other actor in Ek Tha Tiger except Salman and Katrina is hamming, and the couple’s chemistry alone makes the film worth a watch. Salman Khan and Katrina Kaif do both comedy and drama pretty well as a team and they look great together. There are a few really good scenes: 1) Salman invites Katrina for a close-to-midnight picnic and it turns out that he wants to see a meteor shower with her, and 2) Katrina tells Salman during a serious moment that their nationality and duty will only let them shake hands at the Wagah border.

Ek Tha Tiger is devoid of the usual crassness that comes in a Salman Khan film, and Katrina Kaif is the highlight of the movie. If the other actors weren’t hamming so much, this could have been worth a second watch. Still, it’s less pretentious than that overrated second part of Gangs Of Wasseypur which only idiots loved.

RATING: 2/5

COMING UP: Movie Review of Aamir Khan’s Talaash

SALMAN’S THREAT: DON’T SAY I DIDN’T WARN YOU!

SEE: Bollywood’s Sexiest Women | Priyanka is SEXY, Kareena is UGLY

FREE MUSIC DOWNLOAD: Solar Deity’s The Darkness Of Being

08
Aug
12

Movie Review: ‘Gangs Of Wasseypur 2′ is a major disappointment

It was too good to be true. Anurag Kashyap has bitten off more than he can chew. Part One of his revenge saga is a superbly crafted film worth quite a few watches, and it deserves a hell of a follow-up that should explode in your face. Several new characters are introduced in Part Two, and each has his unique style that’s supposed to set him apart from the rest and earn him a place in your memory. Gangs of Wasseypur 2 is supposed to be a lot of things: a mind-blowing continuation of GoW 1; a movie powerful enough to stand on its own; the thunderous conclusion to a riveting tale of vengeance.

Gangs of Wassepur 2 is Anurag Kashyap losing the plot. Kashyap juggles with too many objects to impress, and all fall down. GoW 2 is a botched collage in which everyone has a bone to pick with someone. You don’t need to have a brass band performing at death ceremonies because that kind of contrast (it’s so… RGV) doesn’t impress you anymore. It’s a mockery of a very serious situation, and the same can be said about Gangs of Wasseypur 2. Even the wacky music and the attempts at humour start to feel excessive, and the less said about the tributes to the Hindi film industry, the better. Bollywood is seeping out of every pore of GoW 2. If you want to go filmy, take a break from the offbeat filmmaking and just go filmy – don’t use Bollywood to evoke laughter throughout the movie only because you’re secretly dying to be all that and are too embarrassed to do it openly.

Gangs of Wasseypur 2 is a bloody mess of a movie that doesn’t let itself be taken seriously.

RATING: 2.5/5

Movie Review: Gangs Of Wasseypur 1

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03
Aug
12

Movie Review: Jism 2

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Cast: Sunny Leone’s body, Arunoday Singh’s ears, Randeep Hooda’s uncertainty

On reading that Canadian porn actress Sunny Leone was going to star in Jism 2, I downloaded a porno clip of hers to get a taste of her acting skills. To my delight, what I’d illegally acquired was the first anal-sex video of the adult movie star. What a natural actor, I said to myself, for the way Sunny got her ass pounded didn’t look like pretend.

That round ass, along with amazing boobs, are present in almost every scene in Jism 2. The filmmakers are nursing a secret desire to make a XXX movie, but have instead attempted to tell a laughable story, so that the masses may flock to theatres to look at Sunny Leone.

“I am a porn star,” admits Sunny Leone, right at the beginning of Jism 2, with her naked back to us. The script is as bare, we learn out soon after. Mahesh Bhatt has written this film for those who were missing B-Grade movies of the 80s, and his daughter Pooja Bhatt has directed it for a reason that isn’t entirely clear.

The hardcore-porn actress looks gorgeous in every scene, and she is the reason Jism 2 was made. There’s nobody other than Sunny Leone who could have sold this trash. With glowing cleavage and the sexy thighs always on display, Sunny Leone whimpers her way through Jism 2, making viewers notice that her cute face goes very well with her hot body. To her credit, she’s a famous porn star who has made it to the biggest film industry in the world, so it’s okay if she looks like she wants to get humped all the time.

Porn star Sunny Leone must use her body to help this nation; she must give her jism to both the men in the movie, so that one of them can nab the other and get vital information from a laptop. That is the story of Jism 2, a tacky Hindi film that desperately wants to be a porn movie.

RATING: 1.5/5

14
Jul
12

Movie Review: The Dark Knight Rises

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Christopher Nolan gives his fantastic trilogy an exhilarating end

It’s fitting, really, that a comic superhero this revered has movies made on him by a filmmaker whose vision penetrates deep into what seems impossible to think up. Christopher Nolan has taken a tired franchise (fuck you, Joel Schumacher) and recharged it for eternity. The Batman has been elevated to a place so high that it will make us laugh if anybody as much as talks about attempting to revive him in cinema after Chris Nolan’s trilogy.

The reluctant crusader with inner demons to fight must battle Bane, a monster of a man with a goal to terrorize and blow Gotham to smithereens.  Tom Hardy plays the bald beast in a mask Hannibal Lecter might like to try, and imposes with physical presence and an absurdly gruff voice. Here’s where you can forget about the Joker and understand that different villains can do things differently as long as they’re menacing enough.

The Dark Knight Rises has Bruce Wayne struggling to make his comeback as the Batman, a role Christian Bale is very familiar with. While we already know what he’s like as the billionaire with little to look forward to and the vigilante who hammers the hell out of bad guys while making sure he doesn’t kill them, it is Michael Caine and Anne Hathaway who have your attention. Caine, as the caring, witty and lovably shrewd Alfred, keeps the chuckles coming, dry as they are. Hathaway, not once called ‘Catwoman’ to her face, is slender and agile and looks irresistible in her suit.

What’s really going to stay with me is Joseph’s Gordon-Levitt’s John Blake – there’s no way you can’t love the last thing you learn about him.

Christopher Nolan succeeds once again in telling a superhero story the way it needs to be told. The Dark Knight Rises is a motivational and inspiring tale of a man as human as us you all, and teaches us that heroes are men of action; the ones who see something wrong and fix it with their hands. The Dark Knight Rises is a gratifying watch that will thrill the hell out of you, and this reviewer’s claps and whistles weren’t for the Batman as they were for Christopher Nolan as he ended his fantastic trilogy with an exhilarating ride. Now if only we could get one of those machines.

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Film Review – Supermen Of Malegaon (2012)

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13
Jul
12

Movie Review: Cocktail (2012)

An exaggerated ass shake may have convinced you to go for the film, but Cocktail is a movie that doesn’t even start being fun. Deepika Padukone sashaying her way into nightclubs without being stopped can fool anyone into thinking they’re in for a party, and there end the good times. Veronica (Padukone, ‘Veeru-paaji’ to Saif Ali Khan) welcomes into her home and life the very desi Meera (newcomer Diana Penty), and Gautam (Khan) joins them soon enough. Having sex with Veronica, and not on very friendly terms with Meera, Gautam is played by Saif Ali Khan the way you’ve always seen him do it. Khan yet again plays the happy-go-lucky goofy yuppie who can charm the pants off most women.

Khan’s Gautam shows us that even the corniest of lines can work on the most stunning of women, while director Homi Adajania is out to show that he doesn’t know how to take the story where he wants. Cocktail moves at a tired pace, with Gautam’s mother (Dimple Kapadia) visiting her son to see the girl he has fallen for. Kapadia is the conservative mother, admonishing everyone in sight because there’s no other way such beings can be affectionate. A cross-dressed Saif Ali Khan presents fuckbuddy Deepika as a friend and the seedhi-saadi Diana Penty as his choice. The movie, which anyway wasn’t made to take cinema forward, tumbles terribly after that. The threesome go on a vacation with Dimple Kapadia, where Diana Penty and Saif Ali Khan fall for each other, and the promiscuous Deepika decides she wants to impress the old lady.

Cocktail, keeping in mind that it has no depth, should have at the very least been a breezy watch, but the writers (Imtiaz Ali and Sajid Ali) and Homi Adajania don’t know how to package melodrama. The movie rushes through the motions of every film that is made to appeal to youngsters and stretches like a bad dream during the dramatic moments. Add Pritam Chakraborty’s music to this mix and you have the soundtrack to a nightmare.

Cocktail is a concoction you should avoid unless you want to experience a three-hour hangover.

RATING: 1/5

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22
Jun
12

Film Review: Supermen Of Malegaon

“I love gandagi!”, exclaims the bald villain, ending the explanation to why he wants everybody – young and old – to spit all around. The superhero has to show up to save his sighing girlfriend, if not  to protect the world from becoming a spittoon. And when he does come flying, he wins the battle against the baddie’s henchmen but gets knocked out of his senses by a wink from the girl.

Supermen Of Malegaon is an amazing documentary that not only takes you through the making of Malegaon Ka Superman, but also gives you a clear look into the lives and trials of a few gentlemen who make movies because their heart tells them to. The focus is on Nasir Shaikh, who was baffled when he realized that Hollywood and Bollywood movies are not made by one person and involve the efforts of several people. So he put together a team and delegated work and made a few hit films for Mollywood, Malegaon’s own film industry. Akram, the spitting baddie, is also the editor, the singer, the songwriter and the narrator of the movie.

Most Malegaon males work in power looms, earning as little as 400 rupees a week, but on their day off, the men forget their problems as cinema takes them to another world, a kingdom in which they’re the kings. The women of Malegoan, though, aren’t allowed to work. Nasir Shaikh realized early on that comedy is not only more likable than but also outlives drama and action, and began making parodies of successful Hindi films. Malegaon Ke Sholay, for example, has bandits on bicycles making an unsuccessful attempt to hijack a Volvo.

For Malegaon Ka Superman, Shaikh opted for Shafique Shaikh, the weakest and meekest young man in Malegaon. Barely filling up the Superman costume with an M (for Malegaon) emblazoned across the chest area, Shafique was the right choice to play a superhero who suffers from asthma because of air pollution.

Faiza Ahmed Khan’s documentary is a bittersweet film which captures funny moments that occur on the movie sets and Nasir Sheikh (and his crew’s) passion for film-making and their dedication to the craft. That a superhero film, even if it’s a parody, can be made on a budget of 50,000 rupees, adds to the fun of watching the team members work on the special effects after Superman has danced with his heroine, been pulled out of the water by the boys he went in to rescue from drowning, and been manhandled by unit members.

Supermen Of Malegaon will inspire aspiring filmmakers who think they need a big production house and several hands and a mega budget to make a film. The rest of us will be dying to watch Malegaon Ka Superman.

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Gangs Of Wasseypur Movie Review

20
Jun
12

Film Review – Gangs Of Wasseypur

At its core, Gangs Of Wasseypur is a revenge saga. And that’s as much of the story you’ll get from this movie review, because the film is so much more. Set in Bihar, Gangs Of Wasseypur takes you through coal mines to families of the man who refuses to let his hair grow out till he has avenged his father’s killing. The man, his women, his children, his enemy, his opponents and his comrades… they’re all here in this three-hour masterpiece. Anurag Kashyap takes his time to tell the story, and what a storyteller he is! You’re in Wasseypur, at the heart of Dhanbad, for so long that you’re way too familiar with the place and don’t want to leave when the movie’s over. It’s not over anyway – the second part of Gangs Of Wasseypur will hit theaters only in August, and it’s unfair to be kept waiting that long. The good news is you can watch GoW every week till then, with all it nods to Hindi cinema, and the nikaahs, and the local dialect, the rustic charm, the masterly performances, and all the dry humor. I want to go right back in and watch it… five more times.

RATING: 5/5

Movie Review – Anurag Kashyap’s Paanch

Film: Shanghai is incredibly dull and boring

11
Jun
12

Pooja’s Movie Recco: Takeshi Kitano’s Hana-bi (1997)

By Pooja Channe

Film: Hana-bi 
Language: Japanese
Director: Takeshi Kitano
Actors: Takeshi Kitano, Ren Ohsugi, Susumu Terajima and Kayoko Kishimoto

Takeshi Kitano’s Hana-bi (fireworks) is the first non-English foreign language movie I saw. At first, the film appeared a bit loosely plot. The scenes are sporadic, and most of them are even incomplete. There is no commentary and the dialogues are very few. But still, I found the character development quite faultless. It takes a while for the plot to develop and make sense. With the most unique filmmaking style, Takeshi has put his soul in the film.

The movie is about the lives of two ex-cops who have come to terms with apathy. The character Nishi, played by the director himself, is an emotionally restrained ex-cop. Throughout the movie, Takeshi‘s face is devoid of expressions and you can hear him talk only around six times in the movie. Nishi is dealing with the sorrow of his beloved wife Miyuki‘s (Kayoko Kishimoto) health: she has leukemia and only a few days to live. The couple lost their daughter at a very young age.

Horibe (Ren Osugi) is a fellow ex-cop and a good friend of Nishi’s. Horibe gets shot in a stakeout and loses his legs while one other cop loses his life, for which Nishi considers himself responsible. After the accident, Horibe’s wife and children leave him and he becomes socially evasive. He seeks solace in painting and mostly paints animals and humans with flowers in the place of their heads. The paintings shown in the film are actually the director Kitano’s original work. Nishi. who had taken a loan from Yakuzas (Japanese mafias) for Miyuki’s treatment is now unemployed Nishi and neck-deep in debt; he decides to rob a bank and does it successfully. With the stolen money he pays off the loan (without interest) to the Yakuza, buys his disabled friend materials for his paintings, a gift for his friend’s widow, and with the remaining money. he decides to fulfill his wife’s wishes. Miyuki lives her last days like a child. Even in silence the  comic moments between Nishi and his wife are well expressed. Horibe eventually kills himself.

It’s impossible to ignore the contemporary classical background score by Joe Hisaishi -  it gives a serene feel to the tragic film. Hana-bi is roughly a 95 minute film and it puts across a lot of emotions. With so much less being said in the movie you’d be surprised how brilliant the film turns out. I am sure that most of the you, after watching this minimalistic film, will understand and acknowledge the genius that is Takeshi Kitano. Do not watch this film if your mind cannot process silent films – you will get bored.

MORE MOVIE RECCOS:

Gerry | Satya | Chhoti Si Baat | Halo | Road, Movie | Deool | Ram Ne NaamPaanch | Sadma | Company

 

09
Jun
12

Film Review: Rock Of Ages

In the last musical I watched before Rock Of Ages, Meryl Streep ran towards Pierce Brosnan holding a red piece of cloth in the wind as if flying a kite. Mamma Mia! was packed with Abba songs and seemed worse than a Bollywood movie based on a wedding. It also reminded me of the songs of an atrocity called Lal Dupatta Malmal Ka that were shown on TV channels when we were too young to understand that aunties could be made fun of for watching that kind of stuff. I spent a sizable chunk of time thinking malmal was the name of the girl the lal dupatta belonged to, only to be informed later that it means muslin.

It can be slightly perplexing to review a film like Rock Of Ages, which has the portly Alec Balwin in longish hair gyrating in his nightclub clutching a shot of something in his fat hands, and Mary J Blige thrown in the movie for no apparent reason. Baldwin has a reason to cheer, of course: it’s the best night his nightclub which hosts rock shows has ever seen, and Poison‘s Nothin’ But A Good Time is blaring from everywhere.

Rock Of Ages has songs you’ve heard before (If you’re not a fan of rock and roll, do consider getting the fuck off this webzine.) and love; songs which broadcast the spirit of rock and roll – the music that never dies. It also endeavors to sell an ordinary love story – a rather hammy effort that was perhaps necessary to justify all the singing and dancing.

Tom Cruise, as rock god Stacee Jaxx, is part Nikki Sixx (read his name), part Blackie Lawless (W.A.S.P, you idiots) and part Axl Rose (look at him). Cruise’s rockstar act is a treat, and Stacee Jaxx could teach a thing or two (or three or four) to our arse-licking, self-promoting ‘metal heroes’ that live on Facebook. Jaxx is drowning in babes and booze even though he hasn’t made a great song in years (no, you self-hawking bastards, this is not what you need to pick up – just watch the movie.), is living easily off his money and star power.

Catherine Zeta-Jones plays the mayor’s wife rallying against the ‘evil’ music. It’s obviously a shot at Tipper Gore, who made times difficult for some revered rock bands many years ago. Zeta-Jones is hilarious to look at as she dances and does the jhatkas and matkas with the other churchgoing ladies who want to put a stop to the ‘satanic’ menace of rock and roll – the music which is poisoning children.

There’s way too much singing and dancing in Rock Of Ages. Anyone unfamiliar with glam/hard rock with come out of the movie exhausted by the overdose, because there’s a song almost every two minutes, and that’s really cramming it a bit too much. But it’s easy to see why Abba fans loved Mamma Mia!… it’s all about the music, even though a sturdy plot would make a musical go a long way. Please refer to The Sound Of Music.

After over a decade of observing a scene now largely infested by pretenders, it sure feels good to hear an opening band being ordered to play three songs, no covers, and to get ready for their debut by starting their drinking session right then. Rock Of Ages is good for a few chuckles, and a few Motley Crue tracks would’ve made my day.

RATING: 2.5/5

MOVIE REVIEWS: The Grey | Men In Black 3 | Shanghai | Department | The Cabin In The Woods




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