Archive for September, 2009

27
Sep
09

Critic Roshan

Aditya Mehta

As this blog inches towards the 3000 hit mark, I can finally breathe easy and sit back for awhile. What started off as a blog that would carry only reviews of films and music has now become so much more than that. I spend nearly all day thinking about how to make Mehta Kya Kehta? a more impactful medium of conveying my many opinions on whatever I think is important then or will have some relevance in the future. Some of my well-wishers have called me things like ‘bollywood writer’, as if really being that would somehow disqualify me. Speaking of Bollywood, I cannot thank it enough for giving me a steady upsurge in the number of visitors because of films like Wanted and WYR?. I give full credit  to these commercial movies I write about for giving the blog so much exposure. Wanted gave me 100+ hits in one day and WYR? got me close to 300, but more importantly, they made visitors browse through the other stuff I’ve written and now Mehta Kya Kehta? gets an average of 60-80 visitors per day even if I don’t update it with anything too fancy.

The question of money – I don’t make income off this blog, and those who think critics get paid for unnecessarily praising average stuff – you couldn’t be more wrong. During my tenure with Buzz18, someone I used to hold in high regard left a comment that directly stated I was doing it for the money. I was taken aback not at the nature of that comment, but at how bitter this seemingly intelligent person must be. The salary comes in at the end of the month irrespective of whether you praise or trash movies/music, in case you thought it works some other way.

Another thing I have been accused of is not changing my style at all growing up as a person/writer, which is by far the most impotent brickbat that has come my way. As much as I love reading hardcore journalism Tehelka-style, I never wanted to write exclusively on stuff like that. I was a satirist ever since I can remember, even before I became a writer, and I am a satirist now. The purpose of my writing is to display some wit and skill, and the intention is to raise a chuckle or two from the reader, even if they might not be nodding in agreement. That’s the way it was, that’s the way it is and that’s the way it will be. Honey, you’re as clueless as they come.

Hey, ek toh I’m not making any cash from this, and upar se I’m writing badass stuff like beer reviews – so allow me the occasional rant, okay? Ab Mehta kuch nahi kehta, philhaal Mehta break leta.

Sooner or later,

Varathora, The Count Of Old Bombay

mehtallica@gmail.com

26
Sep
09

Beer Review: Kingfisher Ultra

"Oh Larz, go get me three more beers, yeah!" - Beatallica

Wonder if the KOGT Vijay Mallya tastes (tests) products his company comes up with. After the pointless Kingfisher Blue, United Breweries offers us Kingfisher Ultra. Never one to miss a new brew, I spotted someone drinking out of an unfamiliar but attractive looking bottle at the pathetic Asiad Bar (but you can smoke in the a/c section) and called for the same. ‘The Emperor Of Good Times’, screams the bottle. Priced at Rs 100 (MRP), Kingfisher Ultra tastes like a poor, unsure cousin of Budweiser, which is a very average beer anyway. The best easily available beers in Mumbai as of now are Tuborg, Tiger, London Pilsner (inexpensive and classic) and the underrated Royal Challenge.

Beer Review: Little Devils

Bar Review: Nityanand Coastal Treat

26
Sep
09

Are You Going To Have An Arranged Marriage, Mr Mehta?

Someone very concerned asked if I’m thinking of having an arranged marriage. If you can guess my answer, you stand to win a crate of Tuborg. You won’t be standing after drinking it, though.

Okay, go on… guess what the correct answer is. Multiple choices allowed.

Saurin’s Arranged Marriage

Easy Way To Stop Drinking Alcohol

25
Sep
09

View of the Thames

by Janak Samtani view of the thames janak samtani

24
Sep
09

Review: What’s Your Raashee?

What’s Your Raashee? Here’s my review!

MOVIE REVIEW COMING TONIGHT

Saw hottie Priyanka Chopra at the press show 000h

Priyanka Chopra can expect a dozen or so popular awards this time around for playing a dozen Gujarati girls in Ashutosh Gowariker’s What’s Your Raashee?, a film in which a young Gujarati NRI gets into a hell of a predicament because of his funny brother Jitubhai (Dilip Joshi, Jethalal from Taarak Mehta Ka Ooltah Chashma). A whole bunch of characters add their bit and the already thick plot spreads well. Darshan Jariwala (coolest matchmaker ever) and Rajesh Vivek (astrologer!/ spy!!/ photographer!!!) provide several hilarious moments. Anjan Srivastav plays dad to Harman Baweja, and his mom is the sweet lady who was Amol Palekar’s sister Ratna in Gol Maal. No, YOU google it.

Priyanka Chopra displays enough talent and gives all the Priyanka Chopras in What’s Your Raashee? unique personalities and Harman Baweja can breathe easy. What’s Your Raashee? gives him a nice, solid break and he takes it up really well. Baweja slips into his role from the beginning and is totally likeable as Yogesh B Patel, the nice Gujju boy who must select a bride and marry her in 10 days to get cash from his grandfather to bail his brother out of a mess. Don’t get too confused now, the story will suck you right in. For a change, no one’s trying to make you cry and feel for any of the characters and there’s some very neat choreography to look out for.

Too long, tooooo long!

Too long, tooooo long!

Ashutosh Gowariker’s directing is well thought-out and makes the film convincing, but the songs start to irritate after awhile no matter how situational they may be, and the finger-cutting bhai should’ve just been mentioned of and not shown. Also, the Gujjuness of the film might be too much for some non-Gujjus to handle. Well, tough shit – it’s a refreshing change from the Punjabi munda-kudi bhangra routine that’s plagued Bollywood since a very long time. The first half of What’s Your Raashee? doesn’t have a single dull moment, but you wish the second half of the film would hurry itself up. For those who feel screwed by Ashutosh Gowariker, there’s worse news – he doesn’t let you climax. But you have to give it to the man (I just can’t seem to stop with the double-entendres), he’s done a fantastic job and I love his way of convincing the audience – that even the perfectly alright Harman Baweja at first can’t seem to get over how all the Priyanka Chopras look the same and later gets used to it – let me say it clearly – excellent story – great script – outstanding direction.

VERDICT

Ashutosh Gowariker’s What’s Your Raashee? is a light film that wears heavy thanks to almost four (3½?) hours of running time. Watch it for Priyanka, Harman and the laughs. And of course, making 12 Priyanka Chopras act in the same movie is the best thing anyone has ever done for mankind.

RATING: 2.5/5
MOVIE REVIEW: Wanted

24
Sep
09

World’s Greatest Pick-Up Artist

People just won’t let some things remain underground. I don’t usually talk about this stuff but an article in today’s Mumbai Mirror forces me to speak up. Having read the works of several seduction masters, it enrages me every time someone with zero originality takes credit for it. It’s like Sceptre behaving like they wrote Enter Sandman. Pissing off, yeah? Yeah. The Sceptre thing is just laughable, you say? Okay.

For those interested in reading material on alpha male behaviour/seduction routines/pick-up tactics/body language or anything of the sort, I suggest you check out the work of original pick-up artists.  I know downloading  (okay, STEALING)  doesn’t help the creators of the ultimate badass material one bit, but here’s stuff to Google: John Alexander, Carlos Xuma, David Deangelo, Mystery, Tyler Durden.

This isn’t all of it (ha!) but should give you a great idea of things. I was already hopping mad at askmen.com for ripping off and repackaging this stuff, and thanks to Mumbai Mirror I know about this Shiva fellow.

Pick-up artist he may have become, but seduction guru he is certainly not. Making money off other people’s work…not very alpha, is it?

23
Sep
09

Protected: Fucking Austerile & Balls To The Wall

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