Why You Should Stop Reading This Website

After two months of doing absolutely nothing I’ve managed to come up with a list of reasons why no one should ever be checking this website out.

Face it, most of you come here daily just to see if I’ve bitched about you. Newspapers bore you ever since you heard of Mehta Kya Kehta? and you choke on your breakfast at the thought of me writing some things you don’t want the rest of the literate world to know. I’ve got over 40 warnings since the day I first held a pen, some of them cribbing that I made them splutter coffee over their keyboard, but most complaining of chest pain. I’m not an ambulance, morons.

Former colleagues tell me that some of the more popular (old) critics who make real cash off their reviews wait till Saturday to post their stuff because my reviews are posted on Thursday night. Which gives these guys a whole day to reconstruct what I’ve already said and forgotten. I and you all know who you are, so next time you’re in line a press show let me have the last Mangola, okay?

Also tired of explaining to male PR people that a blog is a valid website, fuck you.

One of the best things I ever did was writing about a paedophile rocker on an old blog, a feat that will be topped the day I break his ugly face in full public view. Which is a direct way of telling myself I need to stop writing and start fighting.

The main reason you should stop reading this stuff is because I have nothing constructive to offer except genuine bitchiness which even I stop thinking about as soon as it’s published. So when your parched cunts are busy thinking up bitchy comments which only you think are clever, I’m totally unconcerned and calling for another pitcher of draught somewhere.

addi - aditya mehta kya kehta?

Speaking of pitchers, I know of someone who never experienced the joy of having his glass refilled and even posthumously doesn’t let others live normally on the days of his birth and death. Keeping in mind the method the man popularized, an entire nation protests peacefully by clinking glasses and buying the most widely consumed drug illegally. I don’t drink rum but last night I had to force it down like medicine with a sugary cola as a mark of protest and am now motivated to write about the most boring autobiography ever written, but that merits a separate blog post.

I hereby declare that I will write only when I have something to bitch about or someone does something totally unexpectedly cool or when a new beer comes to town.

Wait, I write for only these three reasons anyway…


If You Don’t Read This, You Might As Well Kill Yourself

5 Responses to “Why You Should Stop Reading This Website”

  1. 1 Saurin Parikh
    October 13, 2009 at 10:53

    Here’s a clever comment… CLEVER!


  2. October 13, 2009 at 10:59

    Like I said, I’m not even here…I’m out on the streets waiting for liquor stores to open.


  3. 4 KP
    October 19, 2009 at 21:39

    Yes, there is a certain satisfaction in having someone pissed off. i dont see why ppl would not find humor in it.

    It , in fact is the best genre of humor.

    i have recently started to brew my own beer. Took me 4 tries before it tasted like good beer.
    completely worth the wasted efforts


  4. October 20, 2009 at 08:31

    I wonder how much time and what else it takes to create something magical like beer.

    ‘Wasted’ is a good word here, heh!


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