19
Oct
09

Bonus Day

Redefining Toilet Humour

Redefining Toilet Humour

I spent yesterday thinking it was the Gujarati New Year. Didn’t smoke, drink or do drugs out of respect for a community that needs to keep its jaws moving. When Gujaratis are not eating, they’re talking loudly. When they’re not eating or talking they’re yawning or are snoring with their mouth. Or jabbering while munching on something while in deep sleep. The mouth is to the Gujarati what the heart, digestive system, lungs are to other animals… functions non-stop and needs no rest. I was even polite to the family but they didn’t show any surprise. But festive occasions are good for the wallet. I was broke on Dhanteras and my dad gave me a few thousand bucks. On Chopda Pujan (not the same as worshipping Priyanka Chopra) I gave a stack of newspapers to the raddiwallah. Respect. If you’re Gujarati, the easiest and fastest way of making cash is by touching the feet of your Gujarati relatives. They simply love it and give you 500 bucks but that doesn’t mean you bend over and do it 3-4 times more – no! If anyone gives you 1000 bucks might as well give them a handjob, they secretly expect it. Even if you haven’t met them all year and don’t give a shit if they live or die, make it a point to show you care about things like family relations and your community, and voila – cashola! I spent all of yesterday being a nice Gujju boy, and this morning I find out today is the New Year. Gujarati food owns this planet, and I’m swelling with Gujju pride even though it makes me feel like a racist. Better than feeling like a paedophile, I guess. Happy New Year, fellas.


38 Responses to “Bonus Day”


  1. 1 Saurin Parikh
    October 19, 2009 at 06:46

    I’ll read the post later on… right now my eyes are too watery from laughing hysterically over that snap…

    Like

  2. October 19, 2009 at 06:50

    Shaddup 😛 Deleted it.

    Like

  3. 3 Saurin Parikh
    October 19, 2009 at 06:54

    No, no, put it back up… please don’t deny everyone else the pleasure of that pic… it’ll be the best Diwali gift ever!

    Like

  4. October 19, 2009 at 06:57

    The person who selected that pic laughed hard, too. First day of the year, first lesson learnt.

    Like

  5. October 19, 2009 at 07:23

    Then just say you like it…Damn Facebook, it’s crippled some of you.

    And can you guys please stop laughing now?

    Like

  6. 8 ashwin
    October 19, 2009 at 07:50

    What snap? i want to see it too! aditya please put it up .

    Like

  7. October 19, 2009 at 08:01

    Done…go ahead and laugh at my expense.

    Like

  8. 10 Poonam
    October 19, 2009 at 09:03

    😀
    hahahahahahaha

    Like

  9. 11 Poonam
    October 19, 2009 at 09:04

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA 😀

    Like

  10. October 19, 2009 at 09:06

    I shaved it off…it’s gone.

    Like

  11. 13 Saurin Parikh
    October 19, 2009 at 09:06

    Oh yeah baby, back by popular demand…
    Earlier it was posted in a bigger size and covered up the entire screen… man, that effect is lost but still its priceless…

    Like

  12. 14 Bhavdeep
    October 19, 2009 at 09:46

    Mehta goes Kilmister \m/

    Like

  13. 15 VG
    October 19, 2009 at 11:39

    Chopda pujan not as in Priyanka Chopra, ROTFLMAO, truly satanic wit. Happy New Year!

    Like

  14. October 19, 2009 at 16:07

    @Bhavdeep: You’re the only one who knows what I was trying to do with that pic 🙂

    @VG: Ganesh, you’re the only one who commented on something other than the pic 🙂

    Thanks to EVERYONE who left a comment, LOVE YOU ALL.

    HAPPY NEW YEAR, FUCKERS!

    Like

  15. 17 Tamanna
    October 19, 2009 at 17:28

    Awesome post, as always…

    BEST WEBSITE EVER.

    Like

  16. 18 Poonam
    October 19, 2009 at 20:58

    Obviously this VG guy is looking for other things besides looks!
    But maybe a few others like me come to see this post just because you look like THAT.

    hahahahahahahahah 😀
    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA 😀

    Like

  17. October 20, 2009 at 08:22

    I can’t tell compliments from sarcasm anymore.

    Like

  18. 21 janak
    October 20, 2009 at 08:27

    Love the post.

    You are funny. But the better part is that you are consistent with it. Thats a clean compliment. 🙂

    Like

  19. 22 VG
    October 20, 2009 at 13:09

    I think I this is the 2nd Aditya “Kilmister” Mehta the first uploaded on FB a year ago.

    Like

  20. 23 ashwin
    October 21, 2009 at 14:57

    Where’s the mole?

    Like

  21. October 21, 2009 at 15:02

    You don’t wanna know.

    Like

  22. October 21, 2009 at 19:11

    this has to be the most apt description of typical Gujjus and their diwali and new year’s celebrations:D
    you were hilarious as always…

    the pic reminded me of veerappan…what’s missing is the gun and the forest…:D

    Like

  23. 26 ashwin
    October 22, 2009 at 11:10

    How many months did it take you to grow this?

    Like

  24. October 22, 2009 at 11:14

    One. It used to take two but then I started shaving ulta. One thing it’s taught me is patience.

    Like

  25. 28 surabhi
    November 5, 2009 at 13:53

    good way of bagging money!!!!!!lol

    Like

  26. November 5, 2009 at 13:57

    There should be a wonderful festival like Diwali every month.

    Like

  27. 30 Shraddha
    November 14, 2009 at 13:28

    I feel so shameless after reading this.
    I don’t celebrate any festivals, don’t even wish anyone. But I do exactly that. Go and touch my relatives’ feet and socialise with them – which I never do on normal days, all for the 500 bucks to come from each of them at the end of the day.
    Also, you certainly look like a paedophile in that pic! What kind of “self-promotion” are you trying to do exactly? 😀

    Like

  28. 31 Vicky
    November 4, 2010 at 19:40

    Happy Diwali dude

    Like

  29. 32 yash
    November 4, 2010 at 23:27

    epic… \m/

    Like

  30. 33 Jack
    October 27, 2011 at 06:13

    hahahh sahi hai boss… Happy New Year!! 😀

    Tamar sakti sainyukt hu chu captain graha, javo graha

    Like

  31. October 27, 2011 at 08:01

    Madar chod tu khud ko samajta kya hai?

    Like

  32. 37 Anonymous
    October 27, 2011 at 12:43

    alya…jor lakhyu che hon…aavu saaru saaru lakhto rehto kar….majja aave che vanchvani…
    Happy new year…!!
    Nutan varshabhinandan!!

    Like


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