27
Oct
09

Cute Lisp

– by Purvi Makwana

I am really glad you find my lisp cute but I hope you don’t mind if I don’t take it as a compliment.

Yes, I have a lisp. No, it’s not fake.

It’s not like I went to UK for a week and came back

With 10 kilos of atrocious American accent in my bag

And find sadistic pleasure in unequally distributing it amongst friends and relatives.

No, it’s not like that. My lisp is not fake.

My lisp is not cute.

It isn’t a trick I picked up when I saw you as our eyes met across the room.

I did not think to myself that ‘let me use a lisp card’

So I can weasel a damned compliment from this guy.

You know, I apologize… I know you are being nice

But I swear if one more person tells me that my lisp is cute I will punch his teeth out.

One of the other things that I am frequently asked

Is if I have had my lisp since childhood.

Usually by the same guy who found my lovely inability

To speak out two very distinct letters (s and f) ‘cute’.

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY TO THAT?

I usually prefer something along the lines of,

‘Steer clear,

My lisp is a symptom of swine flu.’

Something I picked up on my way to work.

I refuse for my lisp to be used

As an excuse

For your inability to figure out anything smarter to say

My lisp is not meant to be my cute quotient

My lisp does not define me as a person, my lisp is not a party trick

Guys, its time you order new pickup lines.


11 Responses to “Cute Lisp”


  1. 1 Tanay
    October 27, 2009 at 05:04

    har har har

    Like

  2. 2 Smriti
    October 27, 2009 at 05:07

    Funny n cute……. fresh perspective lol

    Like

  3. 3 Krishna
    October 27, 2009 at 05:14

    Hehehehe…just placed an order for new pick-up lines 😛

    Like

  4. 4 Saurin Parikh
    October 27, 2009 at 05:43

    🙂

    Like

  5. 5 Sam
    October 27, 2009 at 06:52

    I cannot believe, guys are complimenting a gal on her lips and that too calling them ‘CUTE’. It’s high time they revisit the definition of the word, ‘CUTE’. Damn, how gross can it get. It’s one thing that, a lady gets complimented for her grace, charm, very much cliched – ‘Beauty with Brain’ but still doable.

    It’s outright hilarious and dumbfounded at the same time. To me, it feels like the ‘KING KONG’ is being complimented for his enraged demeanor and his muscles bu calling them, ‘CUTE’. At least, that bloke should have used the ‘I lost my number, can i have yours?’ 😛

    I am amused and bemused a little since i have been psycho-babbling now. But such specimens evokes a strong feeling of amusement and sarcasm within me.

    My pick up line is, ‘There is none’. Just follow your heart and be yourself. That’s good enough. As far as all the chicks i have come across since the time, i started discovering the beauty of the word – Love and of course the emotional baggage that comes along makes it worth experiencing as long as it’s under check. :P…

    It was certainly a good read, Adi. Your friend does have a way with words and portraying it with subtlety, is laudable. Is she a bibliophile????? 🙂

    Like

  6. October 27, 2009 at 06:58

    I’m not sure, dude…I suspect she’s a paedophile.

    Like

  7. 7 AA
    October 27, 2009 at 19:29

    i loved this line “I refuse for my lisp to be used as an excuse for your inability to figure out anything smarter to say” 🙂

    anyway … i’ve had a lisp since forever i guess .. (or until I was made to realise, by repeatedly being asked to say FELIXIS correctly) … given my scarred memories, i can’t even imagine it to be used as a pickup line … 🙂

    nevertheless … a fine perspective on a fine topic … maybe it’ll cure Cancer some day 😀

    Like

  8. 8 Poonam
    October 28, 2009 at 14:20

    Nice!
    😀

    Like

  9. 9 AA
    October 29, 2009 at 17:00

    oh btw … remembered a quote (assumption: Lisps seem cute only on extremely young children)

    ‘Jawani ki rangraliyaan, Budhaape ke chochle’

    Source: Angoor, Hindi Movie … 😀

    Like

  10. October 29, 2009 at 19:44

    Hey Hot Lisp… that explains why some coffee goes ice cold at Cafe Mocha.

    Good stuff… please read it out at the next slam.

    Like

  11. 11 AJ
    October 30, 2009 at 12:55

    in a way … they have a bigger condition
    where their mind stutters to say something smart
    while you…you still say what you want

    I agree with T-Dawg that you should definitely read it out @ the next slam.

    Like


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