5 Indian Alpha Males You Should Know About

Yesterday was International Men’s Day, and that’s when this list would’ve been published had not the manliest and most alpha male of them all been busy razing a shitty Italian restaurant to the ground. Here’s the other four Indian alpha males you must know about, and I’ll get the obvious out of the way first.

Ram Gopal Varma

Laugh all you want, RGV has made the most kickass movies and continues to do so without giving a shit about what any of you think. When his superhit film Satya finished its terrific run at the box office, someone from the underworld called and threatened to fuck all the cinema hall owners off if they stopped screening the greatest Hindi movie ever made and showed anything lesser in its place. Ram Gopal Varma drinks, lifts weights, works with Amitabh Bachchan, has made Satya, Company, Shiva, Sarkar and Raat, and from what I hear, bangs a different hot chick everyday. MAN.


Amitabh Bachchan

If there’s anybody who claims to have never heard of this man, please crawl out of your mother’s womb, I say. As if playing the ‘hero’ and ‘anti-hero’ in countless Hindi movies wasn’t enough, this superior male still crushes every other person alive by just being himself. Continues to send ALL the other male movie stars flying and still makes countless women across the world cream their panties. The only man alive who can pip everyone from James Bond to James Hetfield. Here’s a line from RGV’s masterpiece Satya, which is very similar to what any Indian will tell you if you are a male who happens to be displaying aggression. “Ay, Amitabh Bachchan.” MAN.


Emile Jerome Mathew

Remember the guy who killed Neeraj Grover and cut his body in 300 pieces? Emile Jerome Mathew represents the modern caveman who won’t take shit from inferior males. EJM flew down from wherever the fuck he was as he suspected Neeraj Grover of trying to get into EJM’s girlfriend Maria Susairaj’s pants, which she seemed eager to jump out of anyway. So EJM barged into Maria’s flat, where a naked Neeraj Grover shat his pants (which he wasn’t wearing then). Navy Officer Emile Jerome Mathew stabbed the living crap out of Neeraj Grover, fucked his girlfriend TWICE, and then chopped Grover’s corpse into 300 neat little bits. You may call it cold-blooded murder, I call it honour killing. MAN.


Tiger Memon

Portrayed brilliantly by Pavan Malhotra in Anurag Kashyap’s Black Friday, Ibrahim Abdul Razak Memon isn’t known as Tigerbhai for nothing. Pissed off at Hindu faggots for tormenting Muslims and setting his shop on fireΒ  during the anti-Muslim riots in 1992, Tiger Memon screamed, “Aakha Mahim jala dalega main!”, but ended up burning a lot more than Mahim with his rage. Here’s to Tigerbhai, the MAN who makes the bus-burning, pebble-throwing Shiv Sainiks and MNS ghaatis look like little girls in frocks. Till ’93, it’d be laughable to think anyone could knock Dawood Ibrahim off the ‘most wanted’ lists, but Tiger Memon raced ahead of him by ass-fucking India and fingering the rest of the world by rocking Bombay with a few explosions. “Inshallah, iss saal dhamaka hoga!” MAN.


As for the 5th and most alpha of all males, man among men, king of all kings, father of my nation, I was bragging endlessly about myself as usual to a friend and told her that even International Men’s Day happens to fall on my birthday. She was quick to point out that November 19th is also World Toilet Day.

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39 Responses to “5 Indian Alpha Males You Should Know About”

  1. 1 Niranjan
    November 20, 2009 at 05:46

    A pathbreaking effort. You seem to be deeply into human psychology.


  2. 2 Dawood Ibrahim Kaskar
    November 20, 2009 at 05:54

    World Toilet Day ha ha ha

    Next they’ll come up with an international day for lepers and then maybe hookers.

    Then some pimps will protest and Vishal Dadlani will encourage everyone to sign a petition supporting their cause. Of course, everyone will sign it.


  3. 3 TN
    November 20, 2009 at 06:30

    ha ha you are crazy


  4. November 20, 2009 at 06:32

    How dare you leave me out of this list?


  5. November 20, 2009 at 06:34

    Happy B’day Growler πŸ™‚


  6. 8 Shraddha
    November 20, 2009 at 13:02

    About time I appeared somehow, somewhere in one of your posts… Considering I hear about your plans for it and your blog stats every day!
    It’s no coincidence you’re born on world toilet day – the amount of crap that comes out of your oral orifice! πŸ˜›
    A few days earlier and u might have been born on World Humping Day! πŸ˜€

    And don’t underestimate people. There are days that are even more stupid and ridiculous than these two!


  7. 9 Jenny
    December 12, 2009 at 06:04

    Very funny, Mr Mehta πŸ˜€ somehow i dont like the first 4 dudes, but the 5th one is something else πŸ˜‰



  8. January 14, 2010 at 19:35

    dude u rock !! ha ha ha killer


  9. 11 parastoo
    January 24, 2010 at 22:37

    doooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooset daram


  10. 12 Max.jr
    April 15, 2010 at 20:41

    How do you explain the 3rd and 4th places in the top 5 list…just would like to read that Mehta


  11. 15 Max.jr
    April 15, 2010 at 20:44

    well the reply is a bit late considering the post…..but just happened to browse through the blog and wanted some more info on the 3rd and 4th positions…..


  12. 16 shyamak
    June 10, 2010 at 05:59



  13. June 10, 2010 at 09:39

    Hello, I love your blog. This is a nice site and I wanted to post a comment to let you know, nice job!


  14. 18 Arvind
    February 21, 2011 at 19:41

    Apparently chopping someone into 300 pieces infuses respect and awe in some people.
    How dare you confuse psychopaths with alpha males? A true alpha male wouldn’t give a damn about his girl, he’d just forget about her.

    Alpha males are confident about themselves, their status in the world and would not be so mentally affected by his girlfriend cheating on him so as to do something horrific as what he did. Emile Jerome Mathew is a zeta-male in my opinion, not alpha.

    It’s still sad how many of us haven’t outgrown the mindset of cavemen.


  15. April 22, 2011 at 15:04

    I dont know what to say. This web site is amazing. Thats not truly a actually substantial statement, but its all I could come up with soon after reading this. You know a great deal about this subject. Much making sure that you produced me wish to understand additional about it. Your web site is my stepping stone, my buddy. Many thanks for that heads up on this theme.


  16. 20 navin
    July 1, 2011 at 12:00

    amitabh bachan is the best!! he should be number one on this list, if ever there was an ordering.. lol


  17. 22 Fuck_RGV
    July 4, 2011 at 10:37

    Next we would love to see RGV being butchered inhumanely and then we can truely say it was an honor killing


  18. October 12, 2011 at 09:28

    V well written Mr Mehta But what i feel is no4 should not considered man of men. πŸ˜› Whats the bravery or ‘ manliness’ in killing innocent peeps. Anyways Good piece of info.


  19. 26 amit
    October 12, 2011 at 12:38

    all are fukin alpha dude….


  20. 27 Sam
    May 25, 2012 at 14:54

    Dude, when is this world celebrating ‘World Fucks Day’???? India celebrates it everyday as our beloved government does it hard core every single day. It has turned all its residents into whores and its agents into peeps. We are so morbidly afraid that we bend over and takes donkeylistichorsinglybullpowered cum shots without any shame! Now that’s what I call ‘Mass Creaming’. It’s high time, dude, that you include ass fucking, cum dripping, tit licking, vagina splitting government.


  21. 28 sexy girlfriends
    October 16, 2014 at 10:30

    Yes! Finally someone writes about hot girlfriends.


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