Archive for December 9th, 2009


Movie Review: Paa

“Rishte mein toh hum tumhaare Paa lagte hain.”

-by Devdutt Nawalkar

Film: “Paa” (2009)

Director: “R Balki”

Cast: “Amitabh Bachchan”, “Abhishek Bachchan”, “Vidya Balan”

Not feeling it.

Paa, and Amitabh Bachchan, have been receiving fellatio from all and sundry. Before I dig in with scalpel and fork, a few caveats. I recognize the escapist element that has always been present in Hindi film, and it would be foolish to expect an accurate rendition of life, even in a movie that is purportedly sincere about its subject. Hindi movies tend to get a free pass masquerading under the “sab chalta hai, boss!” and “public ko yahich mangta hai” sentiments. Unfortunately, this blunt resignation to mediocrity and everything that resides and excretes through its rank bowels is, in itself, an indictment of the sad plight of our movie industry, pervading even our so-called parallel scene, or what remains of it anyway, to such an extent that the delineation between mainstream and the quirky is virtually non-existent. Paa, of course, is unabashedly commercial but the pedant in me has a few bones to pick with it, and modern, mainstream Hindi cinema in general:

(1) Complete lack of subtlety, and a growing dissociation with reality.
(2) Overt pandering, in turns, to the maudlin and the saccharine.
(3) Ridiculously inept use of music.

“Told you to take it up the bum.”

Paa runs afoul on all counts and then some. Characters are routinely used as sounding boards for political or medicinal issues with an astounding lack of nuance. Picture this; a kid with a visible ailment is playing in the park. A nosy woman walks up to the kid’s mother and asks her what’s wrong with her child. A normal single mother, consumed with the cares of raising a disabled child, would shake off the busybody. Not in this case, though. Our mother, admittedly a practicing gynaecologist, proceeds to give the shrew a crash-course on the intricacies of genetics and inherited disorders. On another occasion, the ongoing degeneration of modern journalism is the debate at hand, and is resolved with the accused absolving himself in unbelievably scheming ways.

Of course, movies have every right to raise political issues. But drinking the kool-aid is much easier if administered with a modicum of homogeneity in the greater context. Instead, Paa chooses to hammer down its agenda with all the elegance of a rusty jackhammer, and at times reduces its characters to soundbite-spewing cutouts, showing a remarkable lack of appreciation for the audience’s intelligence and reasoning faculties.

Nitpicking on, another complaint I have is the tactless use of music. There is no need to suffuse every frame with it. Characters can talk with each other perfectly well without something or the other humming in the background. Music can play a pivotal role in raising the timbre of a scene to a crescendo, but only when used with a bit of insight. Paa obviously goes in for the boneheaded approach, which is in keeping with the general aesthetic of the movie.

Bollywood critics assemble to suck some cock

The story itself has been told before. Auro (Amitabh Bachchan) is a Progeria-afflicted, pampered twelve-year old with a scatological sense of humour, born out of wedlock, and raised by his mother Vidya (Vidya Balan), who has kept his existence a secret from his father Arun (Abhishek Bachchan), a hotshot, idealistic politician. Progeria is a disorder that essentially speeds up the ageing process, and drastically reduces the lifespan of its victims. Auro’s mother has ensured that he’s lived as normal a life as possible under the cirumstances. He goes to school, has a regular clique of friends (even a chick fawning over his every move), and is generally the apple of everyone’s eye. He meets his unsuspecting father through chance, and they gradually get to know each other. Of course it’s all too good to last, and you know how it’s supposed to end.

“Jaya…guess who I am?”

Abhishek Bachchan is adequate, saying things with a fuckall accent which I’m sure he feels is all hep and hiphoppy. Vidya Balan looks like a dream at times, and puts in a decent performance to boot (ooh sexist me!). But they’re merely props, human canvasses for the cynosure of all eyes, Bachchan Sr. himself, to record his flourishes on. How is he, you ask? Well….hey, the make-up’s great! He’s not unrecognizable or anything, and looks like a taller Mini-Me, but it’s a good job. As for his performance, well, it’s kind of underwhelming to be honest.

Blasphemy! Sacrilege! Confound me and all my patron saints! How the fuck could I?

Relax. First things first. Let’s get one thing out of the way. The sole purpose behind casting Bachchan in the lead role is for the movie to generate buzz, and also, hopefully, to fulfill some quaint, artistic itch (that, miraculously, seems to have come in the aftermath of The Curious Case of Benjamin Button).

“Hain saala…tum kya babe hai, maloom?”

Anyway, I hope he manages to put butts in the seat because his work here isn’t great shakes in my opinion. I know how a patient with Progeria interacts with his surroundings, and Bachchan comes nowhere close to filling out the mould. His shortcoming are evident in the minutiae; keep an eye out for his conversations with his bumchum Vishnu. His friend talks the way you would expect a twelve-year old to; speech slightly slurred, coherence, diction, and punctuation all a bit amiss. Amitabh, however, seems to have forgotten that sped-up ageing doesn’t imply precocious levels of maturity. Sure, he modulates his voice a bit, makes weird chimp-like noises, and does the silly jig where he looks like he’s washing his ass with one hand and rubbing his head with the other. But his speech is fully-formed, and pregnant with pause and expression in a way that would make an established thespian proud. The inability to convince that there truly is a child living inside a decrepit body is ultimately his biggest failing. But, the make up should be good enough to coast on, eh?

“Arey bhai Balki, I’m stuck.”

Not to mention, Auro seems to have a fascination for the human rump. He goes around pinching his grandmother’s butt, and relishes talking about “doing potty”. He gets off lightly because of his condition, but he spends fair time being an insufferable, spoiled brat. I felt bad hating him; it’s like stealing a blind beggar’s coins.

This is a longass movie, clocking in at 140 minutes. Frankly, it was a chore sitting through it. But I’m glad I did because now there’s one more flick I can call everyone’s bullshit on.

“Laudey loot.”

Also check out: The Best Hindi Film Ever Made


Movie Review: Prince Of Darkness

[One of my Buzz18 DVD Reccos]

Film: “Prince Of Darkness” (1987)

Director: “John Carpenter”

Ever seen a horror film you could easily describe as intelligent? Hollywood sci-fi/horror maestro John Carpenter, already well-known for making The Fog, They Live and Vampires delivered a spookfest for the intellectuals when he made Prince Of Darkness (1987). The film is the second installment of Carpenter’s ‘Apocalypse Trilogy’, the first being The Thing and the third being Into The Mouth Of Madness.

Priest Father Loomis (Donald Pleasence) seeks help from Professor Howard Birack (Victor Wong) and some of his students to investigate a mysterious cylinder that contains a constantly swirling, green fluid, in the basement of an abandoned Los Angeles church. The group researches some text found in the basement next to the cylinder, and realise the liquid is Satan. What they also learn is Satan is the spawn of an even more powerful evil force, one that is trapped in another dimension, waiting to come over to this side.

The green liquid is sentient, and produces increasingly complex data that is revealed by computer decoding to include differential equations. Things start getting spooky when the people who desert the group leave the church, but die immediately after. The trapped ones start receiving strange signals and messages, and warnings in the most morbid fashion. The strongest message or warning, comes in the form of a recurring dream everyone who falls asleep has…a shaky video sequence that begins at the gate of the church they are trapped inside, and a mysterious, shadowy figure in black emerging from the front of the church.

Meanwhile, the green fluid comes to life, turning the trapped group into zombies, one by one. The time has come for Satan to bring his father, the Anti-God, over to this side…

Shot in 48 days, Prince Of Darkness was an idea that came to John Carpenter as a result of his having studied theoretical physics and atomic theory.

Although the movie has Carpenter’s signature style, which is showing a bunch of people trapped or outnumbered by evil forces, Prince Of Darkness stands out because it isn’t packed with mindless horror. In fact, there are scientific explanations for all the strange things that are happening, and the story is definitely very convincing.

Transients and zombies surround the abandoned church, and kill those who attempt to escape. The green liquid as the essence of Satan is a great twist to the ‘good vs evil’ subject, and the devil being a part of every single atom is a bloody good idea.

While transients (rocker Alice Cooper is their leader!) killing those who try to escape sounds good, the real fun begins when researchers start missing inside the church. When the group realises someone is missing, they go in search of them, only to discover the ones who go missing end up possessed, overpowered by the green liquid.

John Carpenter assembles a thick cast of people he has previously worked with, to be horrified, possessed and eventually killed. He has not only produced and directed the film, but has also written the screenplay (under an assumed name) and composed the music. And it is the music which creates just the atmosphere that is required while watching this horror classic. The slow pace makes the experience even more gripping and it gets more and more spooky towards the end, and will definitely scare the daylights out of you, especially if you watch it at night. You probably won’t go near a mirror for a long time…

What sets Prince Of Darkness above other horror movies is the excellent premise, and Carpenter’s film will leave you petrified, as you see the main possessed female researcher (the one who gets mysteriously impregnated by demonic powers earlier) use telekinetic powers and throw objects about using mental force.

Prince Of Darkness
is a cult horror classic, and despite being terribly underrated, it is the film that cements John Carpenter’s position as a master of his craft in this genre.

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