02
Mar
10

Leg Before Wicket

The ligament tore before the ball left my right hand, my leg bent in mid-air in the way it isn’t supposed to. I knew what had happened even before I fell to the ground, the way you know you’re screwed a second before a road accident. It’s terrible to think you might not be able to walk normally for a couple of months, and it’s even worse when such a thing happens far away from home. Surrounded by worried family members, I could see the hotel staff rushing towards me with pain relief spray and an ice box. Physical pain can make you forget everything else that’s been bothering you. Like they say, when you hurt a toe you forget about the earthquake in China. So who had a problem with me getting excited about the Shivaji statue because there were farmers dying somewhere else? And what did you do about it, motherfucker, send them a cheque? Condolences to the family? Yeah, I know…you went right back to Facebook and joined one of those ‘Save The Tiger’ groups.

The pain subsides in less than five minutes and that’s when the swelling comes on. And everything else that had been bothering me. Women I needn’t have fallen in love with. Their XXL moms. A sneaky loser of a beta male trying to slide his dick between those perennially open legs while I was out hunting. Get whacked by me, motherfucker, come get some. I have an air-gun and I know where you live. Let’s give Goa a one-eyed half-wit beta male DJ.

Limping all over Mount Abu isn’t all that bad. Beats going to work on two fine legs. An underage cousin wants me to buy her alcohol before we go back to Gujarat. Green Apple Vodka, hmm. Know what’s a blessing in disguise? Tearing a fucking ligament and having your vacation extended. But that’s not the highlight of my February ’10 outing, no sir. Nothing can thrill me more than watching crocodiles in their natural habitat and getting to click photographs of the majestic fuckers basking in the Rajasthan sun. Beautiful reptiles, I’d feed you the beta male right at Trevor Tank but Goa needs a weakling of a DJ. One-eyed.

Oh yes, scored the maximum runs, bowled well till I fell, got a decent catch. Man Of The Match. I wouldn’t even bother going back to Bombay but that’s where the loudspeakers are, and great as Burzum and Immolation sound with pudina chai on a green lawn in front of a pond, heavy metal needs to be blasted out loud. I hope this makes things clear for the clever guy who, when I mentioned I was going to Mount Abu, asked who Abu is and why I wanted to mount him.


20 Responses to “Leg Before Wicket”


  1. 1 shiv ashish
    March 2, 2010 at 02:59

    hatred + humor. no better way to start the day.

    Like

  2. March 2, 2010 at 03:13

    First pic: Baby croc at (another awesome water body, not the main lake of) Trevor Tank.

    Second pic: My lovely mother and I at Trevor Tank. If you walked up to where we were sitting you’d get to see those mad crocs sunbathing. And then I’d push one of you off for fun. About three storeys down, to splash about in the water with them reptiles.

    Third pic: My little cousin Shivali fixed that yellow clip onto my hair and my other little cousin Shailaja took this pic. At Connaught House in Mount Abu.

    All pics here are by Shailaja Choksi.

    Like

  3. March 2, 2010 at 06:53

    ok.. now that I have read each and every article on this kick-ass blog and have followed it from when it showed 1500 hits, I would say this has got to be the most addictive blog I have come across.. No other written stuff has the ability to make me get up and read it even before I have brushed my teeth and that too when I am in Bombay for some time ‘away’ from things.. I read it even before my Times Of India.. and I am never let down.. And at the right time I will write about exactly how Aditya and his blog are one of the major reasons and inspirations for me starting a blog and most importantly to start writing.. All in good time, as they say..

    And the last pic might get you some bollywood offers.. because its just \m/

    Like

  4. 12 Annnnnonnnnyyyymmmmooouuusss
    March 2, 2010 at 07:24

    So sweet.
    Are you gonna swallow his seed as well?

    Like

  5. 19 June
    March 2, 2010 at 07:32

    Good you shifted to WordPress.. this blog’s doing bloody well, good jaab beta!

    Like

  6. March 6, 2010 at 06:12

    Struck outside Off.

    Like


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