Archive for June 18th, 2010

18
Jun
10

Movie Review: Raavan

By Saurin Parikh (Review Catalogue)

Alright, alright, I know you’ve already heard it from a million places: Raavan is bad. You’ve probably shelved your weekend plans to go watch it, and you’re right. I should’ve shelved mine too, but Aditya promised me a lifetime supply of beer (thankfully not Beera), and that was enough motivation to go watch it. Of course, the movie didn’t give me any motivation whatsoever to not fall asleep. (By the by, Raavan could be a cure for insomnia.)

Anyway, you know, it’s very easy to judge a movie, I use a simple benchmark. If I talk to and kid around with whoever I’ve gone to watch the movie with, then the movie ain’t good. I’m a very patient person, and if a movie can’t hold my attention, it’s not worth the ticket. Raavan isn’t.

As has been the trend in Bollywood, any movie that is hyped like crazy will bomb just as crazily. I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again: if Bollywood spent half as much time and energy on the storytelling as they do on publicizing, they wouldn’t even have to publicize. Good content will always win over ornamental hoopla; I wonder how many box office disasters it will take for Bollywood to come to terms with that.

Well, Raavan is bad. It’s like a blonde chick: pretty to look at, but shallow from inside. And coming from Mani Ratnam, it’s even more disappointed.

The story is pretty obvious: Beera, the modern-day Raavan, kidnaps a modern-day Sita, the wife of his enemy, Dev, the modern-day Ram, and ends up falling in love with her. This we know, what we do expect is a yeasty take on it. What we get is an annoyingly loud, boorish and boring movie. The proceedings fail to interest you; the film became so mundane that I had to take a loo break to ensure I didn’t go brain-dead.

The movie has been shot brilliantly though, the cinematography is simply awe-inspiring. The locales have been chosen well and they do give the film a fresh feel and look. However, unfortunately, watching the movie is so taxing that you can’t even enjoy the beautiful scenery. It is the storytelling that hurts the movie more than anything else.

Abhishek (as the villain) fails to inflict horror, Aishwarya (as the victim) fails to evoke sympathy and Vikram (as the hero) fails to inspire valiance. But Govinda (as the jester) does make you laugh, which is really a sad thing. I wonder why Aishwarya had to show cleavage in almost every scene. And why even the clichés of Bollywood stories are becoming clichéd.

After the interval, there is a short 10-15 minute period that does keep you hooked. This is the flashback which tells us why Beera is out to seek revenge. But unfortunately, this good part fails to translate into something better. For the rest of the movie, mediocrity takes the front seat.

Mani Ratnam deserves full marks for effort; he gets himself a very beautiful canvas. But alas, his painting leaves a lot to be desired. Raavan isn’t downright appalling, but it’s highly avoidable.

18
Jun
10

Jay And Silent Bob Strike Back

By Saurin Parikh

This is an A-rated review. Read it at your own risk, only if you’re an adult, or consider yourself an adult.

Fuck, I fuckin’ knew you would read this fuckin’ review only because I fuckin’ said it’s fuckin’ A-rated. Fuck you! The only fuckin’ A-rated thing about this fuckin’ review is the fuckin’ overuse of the fuckin’ ‘F-word’ in its many fuckin’ forms. When a fuckin’ movie has the fuckin’ ‘F-word’ in its many fuckin’ forms in every fuckin’ sentence, its fuckin’ review has to have the fuckin’ ‘F-word’ in its many fuckin’ forms in every fuckin’ sentence too. Hence, if you’re a fucked-up fuck who gets fuckin’ offended by the fuckin’ ‘F-word’ and its many fuckin’ forms, then don’t read this fuckin’ review and sure as fuckin’ hell, don’t watch the fuckin’ movie: Jay And Silent Bob Strike Back.

Jay And Silent Bob Strike Back is a fuckin’ sexy, funny movie about two fucks – Jay and Bob. Both are fuckin’ cult characters who have appeared earlier in fuckin’ movies like Clerks and Clerks II. If you don’t fuckin’ know about these two fucks, then you’re a bigger fuckin’ fuck who is so seriously fucked up that you need to get a fuckin’ life. Pronto!

Any-fuckin’-way, Jay And Silent Bob Strike Back released in 2001. The fuckin’ film is fuckin’ written and directed by Kevin Smith, Silent Bob himself. The fuckin’ film is a fuckin’ tribute and farewell to the two fuckin’ lead characters. In the fuckin’ movie, Jay (Jason Mewes) and Silent Bob (Kevin Smith) find out that a comic book based on their likenesses is being made into a fuckin’ movie. Fuck, is what they fuckin’ say and set the fuck out to get some fuckin’ cash from the fuckin’ comic book’s writer, only to fuckin’ learn that the fuckin’ characters based on them are being fuckin’ annihilated on the fuckin’ internet. And a fuckin’’ movie is being made on their fuckin’’ characters too. Fuck, they say again and set the fuck out again, this fuckin’ time to stop the fuckin’ film from being made. En route to fuckin’ Hollywood, they encounter a fuckin’ gang of fuckin’ sexy babes who turn out to be fuckin’ jewel thieves. Jay falls in fuckin’ love with one of the fuckin’ sexy babes, steals a fuckin’ orangutan at her behest, fights off a fuckin’ stupid Federal Wildlife Marshal, but somehow manages to fuckin’ reach Hollywood, Silent Bob and orangutan in tow. Do they fuckin’ manage to stop the fuckin’ movie from being made? Do they get their fuckin’ due? Well, what the fuck! Watch the fuckin’ movie to find the fuck out.

The fuckin’ fact that Jay And Silent Bob Strike Back is fuckin’ funny is a fuckin’ understatement. It’s a fuckin’ laugh riot, no fuckin’ less. The two fuckin’ lead actors – Mewes and Smith – are fuckin’ superb. Most of the fuckin’ obscenities come from Mewes, obviously since Smith plays fuckin’ Silent Bob. The fuckin’ movie also has well-fuckin’-enacted cameos from Matt Damon, Ben Affleck, Shannon Elizabeth, Will Ferrell, Eliza Dushku, Ali Larter, Jennifer Smith, and a few fuckin’ others.

Jay And Silent Bob Strike Back has a fuckin’ cult following. The fuckin’ movie is one big fuckin’ joke, and a fuckin’ good one at that because it was meant to be a fuckin’ joke. You fuckin’ won’t get all fuckin’ jokes unless you’re fuckin’ aware of Jay and Silent Bob. Watch fuckin’ Clerks first, before you watch this fuckin’ movie. Jay And Silent Bob Strike Back is fuckin’ crude, fuckin’ inappropriate, fuckin’ disparaging, fuckin’ fuck, it’s fuckin’ hilarious. And that’s all that fuckin’ matters.

If you’re not a dumbass fuck, you’ll fuckin’ love this movie. Even if you fuckin’ don’t, I don’t give a fuck, neither does Kevin Smith, nor does anyone else associated with this fuckin’ movie.

Fuck you!

READ: “DON’T SAY WE DIDN’T WARN YOU”




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