Movie Review: Knight And Day

By Saurin Parikh

Tom: Wanna get fucked in the ass?

Quite often, I end up at places where I’m not supposed to be. On one such occasion, when I was roaming around in Hollywood, I chanced upon the team of “Knight And Day” at a place that I don’t want to reveal. Obviously, they weren’t aware of my presence (no one ever is), and that gave me the perfect opportunity to eavesdrop…

Cruise: Phew, I’ve just finished shooting for “MI4”, I’m tired.

Mangold: Please, Tom, you’ve got to do this for us, “Knight And Day” is in shambles. We need you.

Cruise: What the hell makes you think I’ll accept a film that’s been rejected by Sandler, Tucker and Butler? I’m a bigger star than them, heck, my name doesn’t even rhyme with theirs.

Mangold: But, but, this is a great movie, you’ll have a great role. It’s action comedy.

Cruise: Action comedy? Action comedy! What the hell is that anyway? When did we just start dreaming up movie genres? What next? Horror comedy? Oh wait…

Cameron: I'll fuck you in the ass, bitch!

Mangold: Please, Tom!!! It’s a fun flick, you’ll love doing it. It won’t even be any tough, you’ll do what you always do… jump around on buildings, play around with guns, drives bikes, dodge bullets, kiss babes…

Cruise: What babes?

Diaz: Me, Tom, me.

Tom: I'm pregnant! How'd you do that?

Cruise: Hmmm! Yeah, it’s been a while. *winks* But aren’t you kind of old now? You look old.

Diaz: Humph! At least I don’t have a zit as big as my cheek.

Cruise: It doesn’t matter, babe, no one will even notice it. I still have my “Top Gun” sunglasses and hairstyle; my fans love me for that.

Mangold: So, you’ll do it, right?

Cruise: Well, yeah, okay. But I need a heavy paycheck for this.

Mangold: Ummm, you know, the film’s producers have been going through a rough time…

Cruise: That’s hardly my problem. You haven’t given me even one reason to do this film.

Diaz: I’ll be wearing a bikini.

Cruise: Red?

Diaz: Okay.

Cruise: Deal. But why is it called “Knight And Day”?

Mangold: Ummm, well… yes, I know why. You turn out to be the knight in shining armour for Cameron’s character on more than one occasion… and we shoot quite a lot of the film during the day, so…

Cruise: Knight in shining armour? You mean something like “Iron Man”?

Mangold: No, not really, the audience has seen a lot of that shit lately. We haven’t decided on your costumes yet.

Cruise: Well, I still have the clothes I wore in “Top Gun”.

Mangold: Perfect!

Tom: Did you guys see that? It's better than Scientology!

After hearing this conversation, I was understandably skeptical about watching “Knight And Day”. But I felt that I owed it to the four and a half people who rely on my reviews. And as always, my skepticism didn’t fail me. The movie did.

Directed by James Mangold and starring Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz, “Knight And Day” has been in a lot of trouble. And it shows. The film is devoid of anything sensible. The story, screenplay and direction are as haywire as the chemistry between the two leads.

Cameron: How's this for some real banging?

The tale is about a battery that some kid has developed, which can be a perpetual energy source. Some bad guys want it, Roy Miller (Cruise), a secret agent, is assigned the task to save it and its maker. But things go awry and Miller has to fight for his life. June Havens (Diaz) somehow gets entangled in this mess, and sticks to Miller because she is supposed to be safe with him. They move around from one city to another, do a few action sequences, attempt some lame comedy and eventually defeat the bad guys. Yay!

But in all fairness, “Knight And Day” isn’t all rotten. A goofy Tom Cruise is a bit endearing. And the plot, despite its many loopholes, remains mysterious enough to hold onto your attention.

“Knight And Day” isn’t great cinema, but at least, it doesn’t bore.

(Saurin Parikh runs Review Catalogue and loves taking the piss out of Hollywood.)

6 Responses to “Movie Review: Knight And Day”

  1. 1 Nikhil
    July 9, 2010 at 07:12

    You are so good with captions dude !!!! 😀


  2. 3 Chapli
    July 9, 2010 at 13:44

    hilarious captions!


  3. 4 sanket
    July 9, 2010 at 16:14

    once again, a scathingly sacrosanct summary of a seemingly sucky silver-screen sojourn.


  4. July 15, 2010 at 08:21

    I just love the bloody photo captions!! Thats all I saw… LOL


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