Archive for September 5th, 2010

05
Sep
10

Songs I Hate – 2

Overjoyed that people are waking up to the fact that AR Rahman has been sucking cock for the past few years, I feel compelled to give you a second list of songs that lick dick. Excuse me if I don’t sound as hateful as before, I’ve been sober for far too long.

It’s My Life – Bon Jovi

As a result of having made way too much money, Jon Bon Jovi and his gang of merry men weren’t sure what kind of music to make after the splendid “Keep The Faith” album. Since Metallica were already doing a great job of turning boys into men with their alpha music, Bon Jovi started writing songs for girls. I won’t blame Richie Sambora and the others because Jon has always been the face of the band and it doesn’t look like the others had a choice but to do as Jon Bon Jovi thought best. So they wrote this shit song called “It’s My Life”, which made girls and homosexuals all over the world very happy, as they felt it was about self-liberation or coming out or something like that. At this point, I must confess I used to try to copy Jon Bon Jovi’s Keep The Faith hairstyle in school, and it actually looked good on me too. Fuck all that; Bon Jovi later made another song called “Bounce”, which I suspect was about shampoo. Remember, there’s only one good “It’s My Life”, and it’s by Dr Alban. Eeets Mai Laaif! Yeah, that one.

_______________  – Atif Aslam

Fill in that blank with the title of any song by Atif Aslam and I’ll tell you why it sucks. Because it’s by Atif Aslam. When I first heard Atif Aslam, I thought it was a young Pankaj Udhas, which is not a compliment. Atif Aslam is a bleating goat which should’ve been sacrificed many Eids ago. Halaal kiya jaye!

Bandeh – Indian Ocean

Anurag Kashyap ruined my fun by inserting Indian Ocean’s song during the end credits of “Black Friday”. I fucking detest Gandhigiri of any kind, and the word ‘bande’ makes me want to slap someone. The only people who liked that song were those who hadn’t been exposed to good music, and of course the track didn’t move Tiger Memon or any other terrorist to tears; all it did was spoil the movie. Anyway, I’m happy because it proved yet again that Hindi rock sucks and is likely to always keep sucking.

Waka Waka – Shakira

Yikes! This was the theme song for what? Right. Gave the slaves something to cheer about, how sweet of everyone. Uda-la-la-la-lole-yo, uda-la-la-la-la-le-yo. First of all, I don’t like women who shake their hips like that because I can’t check their ass out properly. Secondly, Shakira sings like a raand.

Vande Mataram – AR Rahman

This man raped the National Song and most of you liked/loved it? Obviously, none of you know how sweet the original thing sounds. How you people can bear his “amma tujhe salaam” bellow is something only you can answer. Allah Rakha Rahman sings like an overturned calf begging for its throat to be slit.

BONUS TRACK

The Airtel Theme

Airtel got itself the worst deal on the planet. Paid crores to AR Rahman and got this crap tune which isn’t even a tune. A bunch of musical notes thrown together do not a tune make. What happened was that this bad music was played everywhere all the time and people got used to it. Let me tell you, it is the most non-musical thing I’ve ever heard, it’s incomplete and painful to listen to. You want to hear a really good tune? A tiny yet complete piece of music? Try and remember the Doordarshan theme, it’s actually very nice and gloomy. I dedicate this post to the people at Airtel and CWG who paid through their asses for trash from Rahman. Congrats, you’ve been had.

ALSO READ:

Songs I Hate – 1

AR Rahman And Michael Jackson

A Lost Victory For India




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