19
Sep
10

Beer Review: Kingfisher Mild

The thing about Kingfisher Premium is that it has been marketed so well that you’ll find a Kingfisher wherever you go. You’ll find it everywhere in India, of course. You’ll find it in the interiors of India, like Rajasthan, for example. The remote villages of Rajasthan have no electricity, but you’ll find a Kingfisher Strong for fucking sure. KF Strong, which I don’t like, but when a beer-thirsty guy under the scorching Rajasthan sun doesn’t have a choice, KF Strong it is. You’ll find a Kingfisher Mild (the one we’re reviewing here) in other countries, because Indians just can’t do without it. Indians abroad may have better lagers to select from, great ales to enjoy, and world-class stouts to make meals of, but no, they’ll still want a fucking Kingfisher or they’ll live as if their lives are worthless and without meaning. Marketed like no other beer before or after (we’re talking about the largest-selling beer in India, please get some information on the population), a Kingfisher Mild can be found chilling in not only your fridge, but also other cool places like your car, outside your college smoking a beedi, on your bike riding pillion. You can also catch an Indian slut on international roaming and part her butt cheeks, and sure as hell, you’ll find a green pint sticking out of her ass. Neil fucking Armstrong spotted a Kingfisher on the fucking moon, peeping out of a dumb crater, and he tried to slap his forehead for not getting kela ka wafer along but the spacesuit didn’t let him. If a fight breaks out in a bar on another planet and a bottle is broken on an alien’s head, you can guess which beer that bottle contained. Now that you know where to find India’s most popular beer, we can get on with talking about the drink.

Kingfisher Premium, better known as “Kingfisher Mild”, is a very average lager. A 650 ml bottle (keep the pints to yourselves, you wussy other countries) of this lager can leave you totally refreshed, but who wants to go home after just one? Very light in flavour and body, this beer doesn’t have character, but the sluts I’ve suffered the misfortune of knowing don’t have much of a character either. What this beer does have is a personality and a life of its own, just like this blog. There’s one thing people keep telling me: that Kingfisher products have a high glycerine content which give the beers their ‘foam’, but Kingfisher Mild doesn’t even have a decent head, except maybe when you’re having it on tap.

Light-bodied and watery, a few of these 650 ml bottles (or 330 ml pints, depending on your gender) can and will leave you feeling bloated. Not quite sure if this beer can be called malty, but it sure can be called hoppy. And hoppiness is where you are and how many pitchers you’ve guzzled already.

Nearly 15 years since I discovered the joys and benefits of drinking alcohol, and Kingfisher Mild is the beer I’ve consumed the most. Of course, I’ve tasted beer that is much better and far greater, but it’s hardly my fault, for Kingfisher is omnipresent. Those who believe in life after death better hope for a fridge in the afterworld. For Indian summers, and winters, and monsoons, this lager is likely to weather the storm of all the great beers that are introduced to India. While I must be honest and give it the rating it truly deserves, I will be unabashed in giving Kingfisher what it deserves most: respect.

RATING: 2/5

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35 Responses to “Beer Review: Kingfisher Mild”


  1. 1 Yash
    September 19, 2010 at 04:49

    I think KF mild acts like a last resort for most of the ‘Indian beer freaks.’ Ofcourse this beer is commonly available across India, but it does its job quite well. Mr. Mallya has nailed it very well for his product and i think we are stuck to it when it comes to drinkin beer. However i would still vouch for Tuborg coz its over-all taste. Lot of people think that strong ale defeats the purpose of its taste, but when i tried ‘Tuborg Strong’ i loved the muddy taste of it and it tastes like stout till certain extent. KF would still be my preference if Tuborg is not available in a bar for that matter.

    Like

  2. 3 narayan
    September 20, 2010 at 07:07

    ultimate review

    Like

  3. 4 zaffar
    September 21, 2010 at 13:25

    world class review for an ordinary beer!!!

    Like

  4. 5 Speed King 21
    September 22, 2010 at 05:19

    KF makes me sick in the stomach.

    Like

  5. September 26, 2010 at 04:11

    i am addicted to beer

    Like

  6. 8 Harvey
    December 1, 2010 at 11:07

    Bad beer. Good review.

    Like

  7. 9 rangeela popat
    January 1, 2011 at 09:53

    vijay maliya ki ma ka bhosraa…….loora lele mera

    Like

  8. 10 Ravoyd
    June 15, 2011 at 10:32

    Never had premium. Always strong 😛

    Like

  9. 12 raghavme
    October 26, 2012 at 09:27

    Paise nahi toh KF Premium zindabaad boss! If I had to pay 200-400, I’d rather drink something else than Beer. Affordable category mey Bud, KF, Tuborg — But somehow KF ka taste abb accha lagney laga hai. I guess that happens if you drink 10 bottles every week 🙂

    Like

  10. June 5, 2013 at 21:07

    The thing about Kingfisher is it that it can actually quench your thirst in the hot Indian summers. I have empty Kingfisher bottles in my closet (dry state syndrome 😦 ), they look so aesthetic and cool.

    It has to be mentioned I hate a number of beer brands so much I wouldn’t have even a single sip if you dropped a boxful at my doorstep in dry state Gujarat, I’d rather use each one of these beverages to wash toilet sinks, floor tiles and car tires. That’s coming from someone who has been thirsty for over a month!!!

    1. Foster’s (even real Australians I met have called it donkey piss)
    2. Carlsberg (really bland watery taste, no flavor or punch at all).
    3. Haywards (tastes like burnt kerosene)
    4. Budweiser (sucks even more than Carlsberg – the worst alcoholic beverage invented by mankind in 5000 years, and my vote goes to…, no prizes for guessing)

    I like San Miguel, Heineken and Asahi.

    Like

  11. May 31, 2016 at 10:57

    I saw this review many times. It looks genuine. All friends are sitting together & drinking Kingfisher Beer Just amazing fun & experience it is.

    Like


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