13
Dec
10

Black Stool Awards – The Worst Of 2010

PUSSY OF THE YEAR

Prahlad Kakkar

WUSS

Known as an outspoken guy amongst other things, adman Prahlad Kakkar raised a few laughs during a debate at the Mumbai Film Festival by taking potshots at Abhishek Bachchan, saying he should be in the Guinness Book of Records for having given 17 flops in a row. That was a pretty cool thing to say, considering everyone knows (but nobody says) that AB Junior isn’t a very good actor, and that the women who use words like ‘suave’ and ‘dashing’ to describe him wouldn’t have given him a second look had he not been Amitabh Bachchan’s son. Anyway, Prahlad soon realized that he might have gone overboard, and apologized to a fuming Abhishek who was in no mood to listen to anything. So, get this – fearless Prahlad Kakkar says it like it is, then apologizes for speaking the truth, has his apology rejected by the Bachchans, and will henceforth be known as a wimp. It may be a while before he starts smiling again.

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MOST UNINSPIRING SONG OF THE YEAR

Commonwealth Games Theme

Rahman the composer is going down because of Rahman the singer, and 2010’s CWG theme is further proof. Not like Jai Ho deserved any awards, but it at least let us know the Oscar jury hasn’t had access to good music in a very long time. The theme song for a national event should be a rousing, pumping track that would make the lame run a marathon, but the song AR Rahman charged more than five crore rupees for is just boring.

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WORST HINDI FILM OF 2010

Khatta Meetha

Directed by trash-com king Priyadarshan and starring non-actor Akshay Kumar, Khatta Meetha is an unwatchable waste of reel that made hordes of people cover their ears and run out of movie theatres in sheer horror. What was I doing there? I was supposed to review the film but the decibel attack, unfunny jokes and general assault on my nerves made me walk out before the interval. Khatta Meetha is so unbearable that you can attack your enemies by sending them its DVD.

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MOST UNDRINKABLE BEER OF THE YEAR

Victoria Bitter and XXXX Gold

I was stupid enough to buy into the hype and buy these lagers from Living Liquidz, and as punishment I forced myself to finish them. Victoria Bitter is a real chemical attack, and XXXX Gold is just crappy. If you thought Foster’s was bad, just try drinking these putrid beers from Australia.

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MOST OBNOXIOUS WOMAN

Farah Khan

This was meant to be a Bimbette Of The Year award for Kareena Kapoor, but Saurin Parikh has been sending me death threats, so here I am picking on choreographer-director Farah Khan instead. The fat woman has something about her that’s so detestable that even an asshole like me can’t put a finger on what exactly it is. Her two films were utter rubbish that ran at the box office only because of Shahrukh Khan, and buzz is that she has run him down in her soon-to-release Tees Maar Khan. I’m not even sure why I don’t like this large person but I’ve learned to trust my instinct. I sure don’t want Tees Maar Khan to become a success (I’m a dick, but an honest one), and if the Indian Mujahideen so much as threaten to bomb theatres that screen the film, I swear I’ll take them all to The Blue Frog for the Sunday brunch.

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WORST RESTAURANT IN MUMBAI

Horn Ok Please

A dhaba-styled restaurant with a splendid setting that lured us right into the chakravyuh of waiters who demanded on seeing my business card because we wanted to take pictures of the impressive setup, Horn Ok Please gets this honour from us even though we haven’t tasted the food there. On being told they don’t serve alcohol, we excused ourselves to go to another place (our excuse: “we’re celebrating something”), and caught a ‘rick, when the chinky manager dashed towards the three-wheeler, stuck his head in and announced we’d have to go back because his boss wanted a word with us. The aggressive way in which they tried to intimidate us obviously didn’t go down well with us, even though the boss changed his tone when he realized we were going to be writing about his restaurant. We should’ve realized there’d be something wrong with a place that is empty on a Friday night despite being located on Gulmohar Road in Juhu, Vile Parle. We’re waiting for Horn Ok Please – The Great Indian Dhaba to shut down.

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FLOP SHOW OF THE YEAR

Oktoberfest

The most poorly organized event this year, Mumbai’s Oktoberfest ran out of German beer which they’d started chilling less than 30 minutes before the event finally began (two hours late), and someone tell the Indo-German Chamber Of Commerce that the last thing you offer Indians whilst introducing them to another nation’s culture and traditions is Kingfisher. And for hell’s sake, stop posting comments on my blog under different ids because I can see the IP address from here.


18 Responses to “Black Stool Awards – The Worst Of 2010”


  1. 1 Chulo
    December 13, 2010 at 03:43

    Nice..and you didnt say ‘fuck’ even once!

    Like

  2. 2 blacksheep
    December 13, 2010 at 07:55

    hey! i like foster’s!!

    Like

  3. 3 Saurin Parikh
    December 13, 2010 at 08:23

    Tees Maar Khan will suck donkey balls, I’m sure of it.
    And I’m glad the ‘death threats’ are working. 😀

    Like

  4. December 13, 2010 at 16:42

    Oktoberfest sounds even worse than Tees Maar Khan.

    Like

  5. December 14, 2010 at 11:10

    I agree about the fat bitch Farah Khan. But I also agree with what Prahlad Kakkar said. 😛

    Like

  6. 6 onare gyu
    December 14, 2010 at 12:01

    bye bye rahman!

    Like

  7. 7 Asif
    December 24, 2010 at 13:49

    Tees Maar Khan is a flop. Negative reviews from all critics and the public hates it.

    Like

  8. 8 KramerKing
    February 10, 2011 at 12:41

    :P:P “Horn Ok Please” serves alcohol legally now 😛 😛

    Like


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