Vishal Bhardwaj proves he is as capable of boring you as much as any other filmmaker, even if he does it in more interesting ways. “7 Khoon Maaf” is a twisted movie that moves at a slow pace – something you should be familiar with if you’ve seen his other films crawl through a few hours of your life.
Priyanka Chopra is a psychopath who, the narrator (Vivaan Shah) claims, is seeking true love and happiness. But somehow every man she gets married to turns out to be some kind of a sicko.
Her first husband (Neil Nitin Mukesh, laughable) is a one-legged army fellow who thinks Priyanka will become a responsible wife once they have a child. She throws Neil Nitin Mukesh to a computer-generated panther. At his death ceremony, Priyanka meets her second husband (John Abraham, hilarious) – a wannabe rock star who passes off others’ tunes as his own, wears a blonde wig onstage, dresses and walks exactly like W. Axl Rose. I’d have assassinated the bastard just for that. But Priyanka has other reasons – John Abraham is a drug addict who has just graduated from cocaine to heroin, and is caught red-handed playing chor-police with two groupies. “FBI Agent,” he announces to a groupie with a toy gun from behind a curtain.
Hubby no. 3 is Irfan Khan, shayar by day and sadomasochist at night. After deciding to kill him, Priyanka teases him with a glass of whisky, and the second time she slaps him is when I fell in love with her all over again. He gets buried alive by Priyanka’s cronies (Usha Uthup and another fellow).
So that’s what 7 Khoon Maaf is all about – a hubby getting thrown to snakes, another hubby made to overdose on Viagra, here a hubby, there a hubby, everywhere a hubby-hubby. Old Mac Piggy Chops has a farm, and do I want to lick it.
7 Khoon Maaf suffers from the same problems that plague Vishal Bhardwaj’s other films. He keeps the pace sluggish to make the film seem heavier and takes his time to establish all his ideas, and it makes me want to get the fuck up and walk out. When there are seven people to marry and kill, it could be shown in a way that would make viewers want to watch it again, but who’s going to tell Vishal Bhardwaj that?
7 Khoon Maaf is an ambitious film that buckles under the weight of its story.