Archive for March, 2011


Beer Snobbery 1

Stale Beer Makes For Unhappy Hours

Restobars that serve a pitcher of draught beer free on one on a regular basis have been serving stale beer. The people who realize something’s wrong with the beer (it’s not flat) are convinced by the waiter, who stirs the beer with a fork to produce bubbles, that the beer isn’t flat. In less than three seconds, the drink goes dead again because it’s very stale.

At such places (that have the 1+1 free scheme), the best thing to do during happy hours is have liquor. Also, try sticking to your usual brand of whisky because unless you’re a whisky expert, you won’t know what they’ve given you after the second scotch.

Vijay Mallya still doesn’t know that the best beer to come out of United Breweries is London Pilsner.

What every beer lover in Mumbai should do is run to Living Liquidz and sample the beers reviewed on this blog. There are stouts, ales and lagers and they taste nothing like our local beer. It’ll be a while before pubs and restaurants start thinking beyond Heineken and Corona and Indian lagers, but we have Living Liquidz (and all its outlets) in Bombay!

Overheard at a wine shop: Ek Keengfeeser dilade… nahin toh Foe-shtur pilade!



Indo-Pak Cricket Wars

On whether it’s just not cricket or it’s not just cricket

Outing oneself as a supporter of the Pakistan cricket team must be the hardest thing for an Indian in India. It has been a hell lot easier (and good fun) for me to proclaim myself a Satanist and even that draws distinctly milder reactions.

My fandom of Pakistani cricket was born out of love of watching a game being played well, and has absolutely nothing to with patriotism towards my country, which thrives on Oscar victories, Grammy nominations and silly cricket wins instead of making any actual progress as a nation.

It has also got to do with Pakistan being sketched as the enemy in our heads, and I have a natural tendency to side with the underdog. And Pakistan defines aggression as far as cricket is concerned. Maybe with all that red meat intake and the lack of regular alcohol supply intensifying their collective focus.

Which reminds me how I nearly got lynched in a bar a few years ago for cheering for Pakistan. Luckily for me, India won that match – and I got away with accused of being unpatriotic and a traitor. No physical harm done.

But there have been incidents of people throwing ashtrays at television sets and having heart attacks during India-Pakistan cricket matches. That’s certainly not the sporting spirit. That’s India whining, not shining. And that’s us taking the frustration of our past and helplessness of our present and the worries of our future out on a fucking cricket team because they are a threat to our national ego which has been erected on associated triumphs. Is it not true that defeating Pakistan in the semifinals is more important to India than winning the World Cup? Anyway, here’s good news: Yousuf Raza Gilani has accepted Manmohan Singh’s invite. The Prime Minister of Pakistan will be watching the match with the Prime Minister of India!

I do enjoy a good game of cricket, especially with alcohol in my system and people around making a lot of noise. The India-Australia showdown had drunk corporate honchos banging tables with their fists and not allowing one of their colleagues to wear his spectacles because the whole bar thought India had started thrashing Australia because this gentleman took his glasses off!

Jokes about how Pakistan will meet Shiv Sena in the finals at Wankhede Stadium if it beats India, and Australia meeting West Indies… at the airport. Apparently, the combination of alcohol and cricket is great for our sense of humour and it also sharpens our rhyming skills. “Yuvraj (Singh) mein aaya bhoot, (Ricky) Ponting, teri maa ki choot!”

Everybody present at that bar made a solemn promise to be there for the Indo-Pak match, and I’ll keep my word and even perform aarti on that man’s specs with my drink, all the while silently cheering for Pakistan, wishing for them to send the Indian team packing. My dark green t-shirt is ironed and ready.


Gig Announcement 19/03/2011


Exhumation’s Consider This (2011)

Exhumation proudly presents Consider This.



Metal India’s Review Demrockritic’s Review Ankit Baraskar’s Review Madhav Ravindranath’s Review Itihas Shetty’s Review  Aditya Rao’s Review Saumojit Goswami’s Review Heavy Metal Tribune Trendcrusher’s Review


Among The Dead (2005)

For Personal Consumption Only (2006)


Exhumation’s For Personal Consumption Only (2006)

As the title suggests, this record was created entirely for our satisfaction. We’ve moved a few more steps away from the cliches as is evident from the artwork which is free of blood and gore and is still related to the musical content and says everything it needs to. Tired of trying to come up with an “original” logo, we’ve decided to stick with a simple font. Having a legible logo seems pretty original for this genre, haha. On The Platter is a blend of classical and death metal because we have an ear for different styles of music and were keen on mixing some. There are no vocals on With My Bare Hands because they came out sounding forced. It is an awesome musical piece by Prashant, which would only be ruined by the addition of vocals. We’re extremely proud of this record and know that we’ll have something to sit and gloat about when we’re old, bald and impotent. CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD EXHUMATION’S  ‘FOR PERSONAL CONSUMPTION ONLY’ CLICK HERE FOR LYRICS TO TANDOORI CHICK This is the story of a vegetarian cannibal. An animal lover who has a craving for human flesh. A sophisticated young man who is fond of the good things in life gives up eating animals when he realizes that he has no reason to hurt them. The taste of flesh strong in his mind, he also realizes that he feels nothing for the human race and builds a house in a deserted area where he can work on his culinary skills. An ethical fellow, he has an eye for good-looking women and a fondness for eating gluteal muscles. Beautiful young girls who lose their way in the woods are welcomed to spend time in his spacious living room, only to be marinated and pushed inside a tandoor. Ugly women are fortunate to not get eaten due to his superficial nature, they are hacked and left to rot in the basement with other decomposing corpses which were not consumed because of their dull looks. Attractive full-bodied women who are charmed by his ways get invited to dinner with the promise of a night of lust, only to end up on skewers and as human sizzlers, their desires unfulfilled. Enjoying a life of isolation with literature, music and the dead for company, he waits for pretty victims to come his way so he can try out new recipes … for personal consumption only.


Beermageddon 3

Every once in a while I hang out with someone who makes me feel like I don’t know anything about anything at all. So when Sahil Mane, who happens to be a hotshot photographer and some 80 other things, starts talking about pumpkin ales and breakfast stouts and bars that change taps seasonally (yes, my beloved lager-guzzling nation) is when I make a mental note and take a silent oath to show my love for my country by brewing a damned fine ale for its people. Here’s the unstoppable Mr. Mane showing how to take on several things at a time and balance it right!

Beermageddon 2 Beermageddon 1

Breaking Vijay Mallya’s Monopoly


Putrefaction In Progress 5

February saw a new record and had the tabloids running after us because of a story this blog broke!

And here’s my blog giving them tabloids the finger! Fuck you, bitches!


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March 2011
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