Archive for April, 2011


You Know My Name

Adityas are the Hindu gods of celestial light.

From Wikipedia:

“The Adityas being Solar deities have been described in the Rig Veda as bright and pure as streams of water, free from all guile and falsehood, blameless, perfect.”

“In the later Puranic texts, all Hindu deities were referred to as Adityas. Hence, the number of Adityas increased to 330,000,000.(tettees koti)”

According to a ‘Hindu Website‘ :

The Adityas represent light of whom Surya, the sun god is the most prominent. Their names are also used as the epithets of Surya, suggesting their connection with one another and their nature as light beings.  “Bright and pure as streams of water, free from all guile and falsehood, blameless, perfect,” these are gods of light, with many eyes (rays) corresponding to the 12 months of the year and described as the 12 spokes of the wheel of time. The Adityas are upholders of Laws. ” Upholding that which moves and that which moves not, Adityas, Gods, protectors of all beings, provident, guarding well the world of spirits, true to eternal Law, the debt-exactors,” they illuminate the world, drive away darkness, nourish the beings, regulate relationships and personify the laws of the universe and mankind.  “Golden and splendid, pure like streams of water, they hold aloft the three bright heavenly regions.   Ne’er do they slumber, never close their eyelids, faithful, far-ruling for the righteous mortal.” Lord Vishnu was originally a solar deity and later elevated to the status of a trinity God as preserver of the world, who incarnates upon earth from time to time to rescue the world and the dharma from the oppression of evil and social disorder.

My maternal grandfather taught me the Teertha Shloka, the only Sanskrit I know.

From Wikipedia:

Teertha Shloka

In the end, Teertha Shloka is chanted / recited.


“ādityasya namaskaraṁ ye kurvanti dinedine |

janmāṁ tarasahasre ṣudridhryaṁ nopajāyate ||

akālamṛtyuharaṇm sarvavyādhivinaśanam |

sūryapādodakaṁ tīrtham jaṭharedhārayāmyaham || ”


“Those who perform Soorya Namaskars daily, do not face poverty in life [this actually relates to Richness of Health, not financial matters], one does not face early death or suffer from diseases. Drink the water kept before The Sun”.


Protected: Oh My Fucking Godman

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World, You’ve Got Your Revenge

An April Fool joke I played on my fellow metalheads last year turned on me this morning. It’s been a fortnight since I last smoked hash, and the clouds in my head cleared and presented my mind with a horrific nightmare.

I was chilling at Anjuna Beach, and Metallica was playing live. No, that’s not the nightmare! Listen on…

Imagine that – ‘Tallica playing live on Anjuna Beach in Goa, no less.

So, the legendary Metallica was on a tiny stage facing Curlie’s with their backs towards the sea. The Anjuna sea is gorgeous, but it was late in the evening and so, very dark.

The crowd was huddled together on the steps of Curlie’s, that infamous shack, but wasn’t like a Metallica audience in any way. No screaming, no headbanging, no cussing – just cheering and clapping between songs.

Then it hit me that Metallica had become so predictable – everyone had seen videos of their shows and everyone knew exactly what was going to happen when. I even knew at which point James Hetfield was going to exclaim, “J-yeah!”

Anyway, I wasn’t excited at all and started pacing up and down like I do all the time. Then I felt like taking a shit and found myself in a posh loo… naked. Just when I was about to let go of the unwanted, I heard the opening notes to Enter Sandman. Then it really hit me – the greatest band in the world was performing at Anjuna Beach in Goa to a select crowd, and there I was, taking a dump while they launched into the opening cut of the greatest heavy metal album ever.

Bas, that’s it – then I woke up feeling very ashamed of myself.

Even my nightmares are so classy that I feel like the protagonist of Satyajit Ray’s Nayak.

ALSO READ: Cocaine Spawned Dream


Sahil Mane’s Orgasm!

Coming all over you today is an exclusive this blog has managed to bag from hotshot photographer Sahil Mane, whose latest collection is currently being exhibited at Gallerie Nvya in Saket, Delhi.

The slideshow of abstracts you’re about to see is titled ‘Orgasm!’, and is Sahil Mane’s attempt at capturing the “tempo, tone, texture, intensity and passion of an entire sexual episode.”

Erotic as it sounds, Sahil Mane’s work is in no way provocative, and this blog suspects he’s hosting the exhibition in Delhi because it is the rape capital of India and cannot raise an eyebrow at the title. The titles of the pieces haven’t been inserted in the slideshow because captions would only take away from the visual appeal of this fantastic work.

Orgasm! has been chosen as one of the 32 most uber-creative Indian ideas by Andpersand magazine and will be a part of  the ‘32 Mind Creative’ event at Olive, near the Red Fort, Delhi, on the 29th of April. Sahil Mane won the contest without even knowing he had entered it – when was the last time something cool happened to you without your knowing it? That’s right, it’s popularly known as ‘birth’.

All you people in Delhi: Forget about bailing your brat out of jail, go sell your wife’s mangalsutra and your mistress’ lacy lingerie, and when you go Gallerie Nvya, don’t stand around for years staring endlessly at Mr Mane’s work because people can tell when you’re lingering around just to mooch the booze. Buy something, cheapskates… and make sure you don’t get gangraped on the way back.

In case you miss getting fingered in Delhi, Sahil Mane will make you climax in Mumbai – at Svenska Design Hotels (in the SAB TV lane, Andheri West). Now pay attention: This may be your only chance to visit a swanky place, so go check out Mr Mane’s work. The exhibition is on till June 30th, but you don’t have to wait around ovulating till then; ‘Orgasm!’ is killer photography that looks like a set of paintings – can you beat (off to) that?

This blog is having multiple orgasms.

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Click here to vote for Orgasm! Your vote can send Mr Mane to NYC and Paris for Exposure 2011!



Beer Snobbery 2

The next best thing about learning to appreciate good beer is that one is forced to cut down on drinking; it’s next to impossible to even consider settling for Foster’s or Carlsberg. The lack of great brews from our country is felt only when one sees beyond the Kingfisher bottle. Of course, the rest of the world is equally guilty of making bad beer, and some of it is terrible and undrinkable. But our nation has only one beer worth drinking – in a market full of lagers, the drink that stands apart is the delightful London Pilsner. The joke here is that even Vijay Mallya doesn’t know how good LP is, which is why it is a lot cheaper than United Breweries’ flagship beer Kingfisher Premium.

So many people have been complaining about how expensive alcohol has become. Not that it was inexpensive before, but the prices have shot up like crazy and everybody is feeling the pinch this time. With the prices rising this way and ours being a drinking nation, you’d think we’d have some ales or stouts, but there isn’t even a decent lager around.

One of these days I might be able to stop kicking myself for drinking Kingfisher Mild all these years; it’s been what, 14-15 years since I started drinking? And in between bottles of London Pilsner Mild and pitchers of Kingfisher Draught (from the tap, not the canned stuff), I’ll pay through my nose for imported beer – thrice the price for half as much.

The good news is, when the truly worthy beers become available at all the wine shops, their prices will go down, and liquor stores like Living Liquidz and Juben Wines that stock the fancy stuff will get even more fancy beers from outside India. No idea how fatboy slim Mallya will handle real beers going mainstream but let him lose a few kilos over it.


Restaurant Review: Alfredo’s

Sausage Pizza + Kingfisher Draught Pitcher

There couldn’t be a worthier place than Alfredo’s to write about for the 500th post on this blog. Alfredo’s – the restobar in which this writer discovered the joys of guzzling draught beer by the pitcher and smoking cigarettes while waiting for the yummiest pizza to show up. This was 15 years ago – we skipped school a few times to attend the ‘beer & pizza greatness’ show at Alfredo’s, and in turn it became my favourite hangout.

Not all the food here is great – you have to try different things every time and decide what you really like. What you should call for right away are the minced meat nachos (they come trapped in gooey cheese under a thick layer of perfectly spiced mutton kheema) and roast lamb in herbs and garlic (chunks of meat in a brown gravy with vegetables and a small portion of rice). The thin crust pizzas at Alfredo’s are mind-blowing, mainly because they use two or three kinds of cheeses which make the pizza taste unlike pizzas elsewhere. Vegetarians and teetotalers, please don’t bore me right now.

Roast Lamb In Herbs And Garlic

When I’m lost or in a celebratory mood, my feet start moving towards Alfredo’s and my ass plonks itself on a chair and some waiter, without saying a word, will place a pitcher of fresh Kingfisher Draught and a bowl of salted peanuts on my table. Even if I’m blindfolded and abducted by aliens, I’ll somehow find my way to Alfredo’s and all the waiters will nudge each other knowing that the thirsty man has arrived. Satan bless them.

Only cool guys and hot girls can truly relax and be excited at the same time in the amazing atmosphere of the yellow-shaded Alfredo’s, irrespective of whether they’re seated downstairs (where the laidback waiters are) or in the upper section (with the cockroaches). If you’re a guy chilling with me at Alfredo’s, it means I respect you as a man and think you deserve all the good things in life. If you’re a woman chilling with me at Alfredo’s, it means I’m going to sodomize you in a bit.

I love you, Alfredo’s… you are my comfort zone.


Pub Review: WTF!

WTF should change their name to ‘Whatever’ or ‘Fuckall’ or ‘Waste Of Time And Money’

WTF! is a popular hangout in Khar and now Andheri West. No prizes for guessing what kind of a crowd a name like WTF! can attract. The outdoor setting at the Andheri WTF!  is amazing – at the junction of a busy road, yet cut off from the traffic noise. But that’s all there is to it.

Even before you enter the damn place, you are stopped and asked if there are girls with you. If there aren’t, you’re guided to the indoor section which is lifeless, has American diner seats and scribbling in Gujarati somewhere. What the fuck? Do we have to drag along a dumb cunt who’ll suck on any pint that’s shoved between her legs? What if a bunch of homos showed up to have a gay time?

The range of beers is pathetic – they have all the bad big brands available in the market, so I call for the least worst one to ensure I can sit around long enough to sample the food. Only pints… no 650 ml bottles or pitchers.

Jesses Kerala Beef Fry

Chettinad Chicken Wings

The menu has only starters, but what we’re wondering is why they’d have vada pav and kheema pao. The Kerala Beef Fry is hardly appetizing, and we’re asked to skip the Sri Lankan Beef and the Mean Ass Chicken Chili (it’s not very spicy, we’re told… some points for honesty there). The Chettinad Chicken Wings aren’t tantalizing either; we have dunk them in red pepper sauce. I’m guessing the vegetarian starters are slightly better, but we don’t care about being proved right or wrong this once.

I suggest they change their name to ‘Whatever’ or ‘Fuckall’, and Yash says the place should be called ‘Waste Of Time And Money’. WTF! is for large groups of people who want to get hammered and don’t have a problem with below-average food.

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April 2011
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