Archive for July, 2011


Bar Review: Café Mailoo

Parle East’s only cool bar has got a makeover and is now the bar to beat all bars. Owned by Parsis and run by South Indians, Café Mailoo offers you cheap booze and good food in a great setting. The décor makes you want to sit around even if you don’t drink alcohol, the prices are very reasonable, and the service – there are only two-three waiters handling the non-ac section, but they’re always running around and smiling all the time, so you don’t mind waiting a bit longer to get your refill.

They have a family section upstairs, which makes it a perfect hangout for suicide bombers. I’ve wasted whole afternoons and evenings at this bar drinking whisky (the draught beer isn’t fresh) and eating kababs, and can tell you that everything on the menu is worth a try and you won’t have to pay through your nose for anything. Café Mailoo should be every suburban barfly’s second home.


Protected: Stupid BMC To Desilt Lakes For Dumbfuck Devotees

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:


Food Review: Kakori House

Kakori House is a restaurant chain that claims to have the secret recipe of the kakori kebab, which was prepared for a royal who lost his teeth while playing a sport. Such was his craving for meat, that his cooks invented a recipe for kebabs so soft that the ruler would be able to enjoy meat without having to wear dentures, which probably hadn’t been invented then. You know whose mom necessity is.

So we go straight for the kakori kebabs, which turn out to be the softest kababs (it reads better spelled this way) ever. So delicate and tasty that you don’t want to have them with the green chutney that has jeera in it. It is impossible to chew them – they can’t even be lifted off the plate as whole pieces. The mutton galawati kebabs are round and they taste exactly like the kakori kebabs, but all this special stuff is overpriced or too little in quantity, depending on how you choose to see it.

Next up is lagan ki boti – boneless mutton pieces in a curry which isn’t really there. The taste of the spices used here will stay with you till the end of the day and perhaps make you go back to Kakori House to try the other Awadhi dishes. It was a mistake having this almost-dry dish with roomali rotis. The haleem and warqi parathas look very nice but there is nothing about the haleem (mutton paste) which makes it stand out. Warqi parathas are cooked on an ulta tava and are thin and yellow. Maybe all this authentic lucknowi food would taste a lot better in Lucknow.

The dum gosht lucknowi biryani, which the manager claims everyone comes to Kakori House for, sucks. It is completely dry and devoid of flavour. There are about four mutton pieces in it, but neither that nor the unexciting raita can make up for the boring biryani. The manager then comes back and tells us everything on the menu is made from secret recipes that are known only to the owner and his wife. They should make sure the biryani recipe remains a secret.

REVIEW: Sernyaa REVIEW: Jafferbhai’s Delhi Darbar


Movie Review: Murder 2

Mohit Suri has got to be shitting me. I was discovering the pleasure of holding someone else’s hand when Murder came out, and now the sequel’s here. A pretty twisted one it is. No relation to the first part except the killer sings one of the songs from Murder every now and then. Oh yes, baby, here’s the story: A pimp is worried because a bunch of hookers from his catalogue have gone missing, so he calls upon the services of an ex-cop (Emraan Hashmi) who’s in everything for the money when he’s not fucking his model girlfriend Jacqueline Fernandez. Is she his mohabbat or his zaroorat, she asks, to which he replies that she is his aadat. Where the hell was this guy when I needed lessons?

So now a whole lot of sluts have gone missing, but it’s not hard for Emraan to figure what’s going on. He must be overjoyed Mallika Sherawat isn’t in Murder 2 smiling like a whore about to get paid. Well, forget about that cunt, and not because Jackie Fernandez is too fuckin’ sexy, but because the bad guy is aiming straight for the ‘villain of the year’ award on this blog. Can’t even call him a bad guy, because Prashant Narayanan, in splendid form, used to be a man who was very horny all the time and got himself castrated to remove the root of his problems, and now butchers women – sluts, angels, anything with a pussy – for fun. A psychopathic, crossdressing, makeup-loving hijra who casually confesses to the police that he chops women up but doesn’t tell them that he throws the corpses in a well behind his house, and then goes on to hack a fellow eunuch, a priest and a wannabe hooker inside a fucking temple? Hindi cinema has finally come of age.

RATING: 3.5/5


Music Review: Arch Enemy – Khaos Legions

I can think of no finer band than Arch Enemy that has ruined its chances of remaining legendary. With songwriting and musicianship of this nature, they would have been sitting pretty in my list of all-time top metal bands if they’d still had Johan Liiva. It may be none of my business, but Liiva’s was the style that matched Arch Enemy’s music. His gruff vocal delivery and the lyrical depth he brought with him blended with classy riffs and smoking hot guitar solos stirred up by the Amott brothers and together with the thumping bass and airtight drumming, Arch Enemy made for splendid listening. Just listen to Burning Bridges from start to end and you’ll know exactly what I mean.

Even as Khaos Legions begins with an instrumental, I know what is in store: Terrific music with poorly placed vocals singing immature lyrics – it’s been this way since fucking 2001. Angela Gossow can produce harsh growls alright, but the only reason I’m even giving this a listen is because I know what kind of tension the brothers Amott can create. I’ve heard it on Black Earth and Stigmata and Burning Bridges with Johan Liiva singing deeply emotional lyrics in his nihilistic way. And I’ve heard Angela Gossow do it all wrong on Wages Of Sin and the albums that followed.

Yeah, the music review. Arch Enemy makes fucking killer music. The riffing is insane and the guitar solos are smoking hot. Ditto for bass and the drums. This is melodic death metal that pummels you.

The novelty of a bodacious female death metal growler may attract countless young fans from all over the globe, but the bad singing is not fooling me one bit, and till the end of time will I lament the loss of one of my favourite bands only because the microphone is in the wrong hands.



Torchbearer – Death Meditations
Morbid Angel – Illud Divinum Insanus
Amorphis – The Beginning Of Times
Samael – Lux Mundi
Septic Flesh – The Great Mass


Putrefaction In Progress 6

Last year’s April Fool joke got picked up by search engines when Metallica announced they’d be playing in India later this year. Also helping matters was WordPress’ ‘Poppressed’ – they picked up a beer post. Click on the pics to view them in full size. Don’t feel shy.

The blog enjoyed 87,027 page views from January 1, 2011 to June 31, 2011. Thank you for reading!


Movie Review: Delhi Belly

Delhi Belly ki maa ka bhosda, says Biprorshee Das

Yes, Delhi Belly ki Maa ka Bhosda! Oh, offended, are you? Didn’t I tickle your funny bone? No? You will not laugh hysterically? Even if I use crude Hindi to suggest that my posterior is being split into two or tell you in all graphic glory how my faeces look like? You would at least chuckle if I let one rip, won’t you please?

No? Wait! You are throwing the world’s ‘ewwwwws’ and disgusted looks at me?

I’m aghast. On Saturday though you wouldn’t stop laughing at these very things when Abhinav Deo and Aamir Khan told you that it is funny or at least implied it is.

Seriously, what did I miss?

At the very onset, let me say this is not a film review. I am not qualified to do that. And I am very sure, by now you have your own 4.96418733333/5 stars for Delhi Belly.

This is about a question I need to ask. And you are free to question my intellect, sanity, of course perspective and you are free to be judgmental.

Question? Yes! When did cuss words and reference to human waste become funny? No, do not give me that ‘situational’ bullshit — “Oh! But in that situation, it was funny.” No, it wasn’t.

There are millions of videos on YouTube that show off a “swearing baby”, “baby saying fuck”, “cute baby farting” and gazillion comments that scream, “Awwwwwwwwww….”

How old were Imran Khan, Vir Das (why does that dude even bother?) and Kuna(a)l Roy Kapur in the movie again?

Seriously, are you going to give me the “Oh-the-movie-kept-it-real” crap now? Am I the only person who thinks it is NOT real and is a bit abnormal for swear words being thrown around like that? No, you do not know what a truck driver’s vocabulary I have, so don’t get there. I have learnt my Hindi in one of the most crude belts of the country and words/phrases such as “bhenchod” and “teri maa ki chut” were as elementary as the school I went to those days.

You think it is normal and “real” for every second word in a sentence to be “chutiya” or “bhenchod”? You do that? I don’t think so.

Well ok, let’s say you do consider it normal. If it’s normal why are you laughing then? Are you laughing with that whole “Hawwww…dekho gaali diya” thingie on your mind? Then you sure sported a fake ID proof when you went to the movies to enjoy Delhi Belly.

And of course, “crappy” jokes never cease to be funny, does it?

Is it just me who smells a rat behind the swear and shit? Is it just me who thinks that the film makers knew that the plot was weak and the movie had to be sold hyping the profanity and a sex scene that was really much ado about nothing. (Seriously, if that is the hoopla you are going to create about your female lead’s pussy being licked, I want to see and hear more than just her moan and groan!)

Does nobody see that there was nothing new about the plot? Does nobody think Guy Ritchie and Snatch? Does nobody find it weird that we are not really laughing at jokes and gags anymore but stuff we wouldn’t give two fucks about otherwise in real life?

I have groaned enough thinking when would Bollywood stop paying its unwarranted and terrible tributes to Coppola and The Godfather. I think a new God has been found in Guy Ritchie. At least be worth his style when you copy.

I believe Aamir Khan when he said he never saw Memento. Christopher Nolan would too if he saw the disaster that was called Ghajini. So I’ll also believe if anybody makes the Ritchie reference and Khan and his team decide to deny the existence of the filmmaker.

Take a flying fuck, Aamir Khan and Abhinav Deo and next time you or anybody want to feed me with shit….chal bhagg, bhosdi ke!

Almost forgot…gave you cuss words, potty reference, here’s titillating eye candy. At least, now laugh!

Member of The Internet Defense League

Follow Mehta Kya Kehta? on

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Blog Stats

  • 1,203,471 hits
July 2011
« Jun   Aug »

%d bloggers like this: