Archive for August, 2011


Food Review: Awesome Awadh

Had it not been for the name, this eatery would have been just another stall on Sahar Road, but Awesome Awadh is meant to be the first Lucknowi food joint in Andheri East. The owner, Asad, has a day job – but running a restaurant is in his blood. His family owns a popular one in Lucknow, from which Asad has brought in his staff.

With kakori kababs not on offer (they’re just softer seekh kababs, I’m told), the chefs at Awesome Awadh let you have half portions of dishes if you want to try everything. The galawati kababs have more masala than they should, to make them last longer because it’s only in Lucknow where kababs get sold like vada pavs in Mumbai. The shammi kababs are made of chicken and are free of animal fat here at Awesome Awadh.

The khada masala is cooked beforehand, making the biryani too dry for my liking, and at Awesome Awadh you get a bowl of korma with it, which is also an excuse to call for their Mughlai paratha. You can also have one of the curries, which aren’t typical Mumbai fare, or settle for a spicy chicken/mutton stew.

Awesome Awadh is at Koldongari on Sahar Road in Andheri East.

Phone: 90044 08954 or 90044 08914

Food – Decent

Ambience – Simple

Service – Enthusiastic

Value For Money – Yes



Movie Review: Lalit Marathe’s Shabri (2011)

Shabri is a painfully dull and shallow film that fails to engage on any level

Zakir Hussain is the only actor in Shabri whose presence can give the viewer some respite, but what he and the guy who will forever be remembered as Ghajini are doing in this painfully dull movie is something even they might not be able to answer. Lalit Marathe tries very hard to recreate the magic of RGV’s gangster flicks, but there is only one RGV, and there is zero hope for Shabri.

Neither do you feel anything for Shabri nor does her coldness intrigue you, and the other characters are limp and lifeless like the story. The premise sounds exciting, no doubt – Mumbai’s first woman gangster, but the lady ain’t no Satya (or Bhiku Mhatre, if there can be another one), and Shabri is bogged down by the shallow plot and the director shoving close-ups of the actors in your face to make you feel their… whatever they’re feeling.

The screenplay is frustrating, the dialogues have been written thoughtlessly, the acting is directionless, and the twists are laughable.

A drunk cop shoving a rod up a boy’s ass or a matka king ripping an errant subordinate’s ear off with a supari cutter won’t excite anyone in 2011. These things don’t shock anyone when they’re inserted in a movie so low on substance.

Isha Koppikar (or however she spells her name now) barks at people when she’s not expressionless. She is Shabri: an uncouth, gun-toting woman in a tattered saree – a character so ghati unappealing that even RGV might not get turned on by her. Shiney Ahuja might like her, but he’ll lose the erection when this bai lifts her saree and points the gun at him and growls, “Mai tereko boli thi!”

I feel terrible for the filmmaker because this movie should have been released and forgotten when it was made, because multiplex goers won’t want to touch Shabri, and she would’ve stood a better chance with single-screen audiences had they not been gearing up for Salman Khan’s next atrocity.


REVIEWS: Not A Love Story | Shaitan | Paanch | Company | Satya | Rann


Beer Review: Foster’s Draught

Foster’s Draught comes in a plastic bottle, which is disrespectful to beer, but this draught doesn’t deserve respect anyway, and the 1 liter bottle only makes things convenient for people. The drink is much better than Foster’s lager – it has a cleaner taste and nothing else. Not too bad.

RATING: 2.5/5

Foster’s Lager | Kingfisher Mild | KF Draught Can | KF Draught (Tap) | The Best Beers In India


All Jains Are Poseurs

With paryushan coming up this week, it only seems right to let my Jain relatives know how shit really is. Okay, let’s do this without abusive language because I don’t want people fainting during their eight-day fasts.

I’ll address two points here, both related to diet. Jainism forbids the consumption of onions, garlic and potatoes.

Potatoes and other root plants, according to Jain websites, have millions of bacteria, and small insects are killed during the harvest of these plants. But has any Jain ever stopped to think how we get milk and dairy products? A cow is kept in captivity all its life in a tabela for its milk which another species wants to ingest. Even calves stop drinking their mother’s milk after a point, but we humans don’t understand that it’s unnatural to drink the milk of other animals. Being milked regularly, by the way, drastically decreases the lifespan of the cow, which is worse for your karma than eating a plate of French fries, don’t you think? Think about it the next time you reach out for a glass of buttermilk.

Onions and garlic are avoided because they inflame the passion, or to put it simply, increase sexual desire. In that case, Jains should avoid movies, music and television and even books and newspapers, because these will make them hornier than anything they eat will. Hell, stop looking at attractive people too.

Now before anyone tries to defend their stance with lame points, here’s the thing: If you eat onions or garlic or potatoes, you’re not a true Jain, because you’re breaking the rules that best set you apart from the rest of the world, so don’t bother trying to justify the other choices that were made for you before you could start thinking for yourself.

And if you drink milk or consume any dairy product, you’re a participant in a practice much crueler than eating bhelpuri the way normal people eat it – with kanda, bataka ane lasan ni chutney.

So you’re not a true Jain if you eat onions, garlic or potatoes, and it has just been proved that true Jainism isn’t all that cruelty-free either, which means you’re all poseurs. Happy paryushan.


The Quoted Tongue #9

                                       A beer in hand is worth two in the fridge.


Bombay Times Joins The Stupidity Race

Bombay Times has joined the stupidity race with an important-sounding article on why self-help books should be avoided and how they cause problems.

For those who don’t know, reading online about the correct way to do pushups is also self-help, buying a book on urine therapy (which doctors won’t tell you about) is also self-help, most holy books are ‘self-help’ material in the guise of spiritual stuff, and even Bombay Times’ article on how self-help books can harm you is ‘self-help’.

Considering how you people swallow everything that’s fed to you, here’s some basic information: Nobody comes into this world knowing anything… we learn as we live, absorbing knowledge, information and wisdom from things around us. School, parents, television, movies, nature and yes, books. If you use the information incorrectly, it’s your fault.

Many of you get a clearer picture of things by reading this blog – so, if you google this blog’s name and come here and get cool information, that’s ‘self-help’.

Some people have obviously been reading the wrong stuff; let me suggest a few self-help books that will change your life completely: Dr Wayne W Dyer’s Pulling Your Own Strings, Anton Szandor LaVey’s The Satanic Bible, Dr Wayne W Dyer’s Your Erroneous Zones, and Eckhart Tolle’s The Power Of Now.

The editor of Bombay Times should have known better than to publish the write-up next to two self-help articles (‘Purge Your Friend List’ and ‘Watch Your Tongue’.)

Also, it may come as a shock to some of you, but the Christian bible instructs scared sheep on how to live, which makes it a self-help book, and it’s a pretty fucking useless one.

STUPIDITY SCORE: Bombay Times -1 | Mid Day – 2 | Mumbai Mirror – 1


Times Crest Writes About People Who Don’t Believe In God

Mid Day Proves Itself To Be A Cheap Tabloid

Mumbai Mirror On Gandhi-Hitler

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August 2011
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