Jab Tak Hai Jaan is as lifeless as its director
At the risk of sounding like a complete dick, the very first thing I’ll tell you about Jab Tak Hai Jaan is that the film is as lifeless as its director, the late Yash Chopra, who died of dengue after being bitten by a mosquito last month. The movie is absurd beyond belief and a total bore-fest; it’s so lame that it makes Ram Gopal Varma’s last two disasters look good.
Jab Tak Hai Jaan is a highly moronic movie about a guitar-slinging idiot (Shahrukh Khan) who is stupid enough to fall in love with a dumb broad (Katrina Kaif) who thinks “God” will grant her wishes if she quits doing things she likes, like eating chocolates and smoking cigarettes. Why are Salman Khan’s ex-girlfriends retards? Because he is one.
One day SRK is doing some lame stunts on his bike and deservedly has an accident, and Katrina tells “God” that she’ll never meet him (Shahrukh) again if he (God) keeps him (Shahrukh Khan) alive. Does that make sense to you?
Shahrukh Khan leaves London and goes to Ladakh, where he defuses bombs. As a chief of the Indian army’s bomb disposal squad, SRK refuses to wear the bomb suit because he isn’t afraid of death. Here’s where another brainless bitch comes in; Anushka Sharma thinks she’s being a sexy Delhi girl by shaking all her body parts in every possible direction. Anushka wants to make a documentary film on SRK and falls in love with him and calls him to London because his being there can kickstart her career.
Believe it or not, SRK has another accident in London, and loses his memory. The bastard suffers from retrograde amnesia while the audience suffers from immense boredom. I spent the last hour and a half of Jab Tak Hai Jaan apologizing to my friend for dragging her to watch this piece-of-shit film.
Jab Tak Hai Jaan is an ineffective attempt at making a love story; it has corny dialogues, a senseless plot, and soulless music by that cunt AR Rahman. Shah Rukh Khan needs to change his act right now because this one has stopped working for him. He isn’t convincing as the romantic lover, and neither is he intense as the man pining for the woman he loves.
The few things that I liked about Jab Tak Hai Jaan: SRK-Katrina’s kissing scenes, because the smooching will make Salman Khan fume so much that his wardrobe will tear itself; the ‘salmon’ dig at Salman – I found it mildly impressive because making fun of jackasses is cool; and most of all, I love how Katrina Kaif looks in JTHJ. Katrina is too fucking sexy, and she looks flawless. I couldn’t take my eyes off her, and neither will you if you go for this pointless movie.