Magnificent glorification of the great white ale
For those who want to experience bliss, there is a great beer available on tap at The Woodside Inn (now renamed Woodside Eatery & Bar). That fabulous white ale Hoegaarden tastes so good on tap that you’ll never want to have it from the bottle again. This witbier is so perfect for every time I drink it, that I can now think of no occasion for it; you drink Hoegaarden because you want to sip a beer, take a mouthful of it, finish half of the 500 ml glass, smell it again, swirl it around, admire the cloudy appearance, make the tip of your nose go all the way halfway down the glass, flick your tongue at the liquid surface and finally perform cunnilingus on it. At that point the bartender will cross his arms like an unimpressed elitist metalhead who doesn’t think your band is kvlt enough, and ask if you want a snack. Being a true Gujju-bhai, you ask for pork, and he recommends turkey canapes, their Christmas special. Four beers down (one bad, one good, two outstanding), your ears hear him say “turkey cannabis” and you ask, “Ussmein ganja hoga, kya?” Till a greater wheat beer blesses these damned shores, Hoegaarden draught will be the standard to judge all witbiers by. The slice of orange floating in this liquid heaven makes Hoegaarden draught look aesthetically perfect, and you will get to hear me say kal se daaru bandh and aaj se pakka bandh again, when I’m truly satisfied, after a litre of this amazing ale, this gorgeous beer, when it’s a fine day to die.