So, how many bands do you know that have a dish named after them or one of their albums or songs? As a guest on Headbanger’s Kitchen, I was presented a fried dish called Snowless Chicken Kiev, which The Demonstealer has named after my Black Metal band Solar Deity‘s depressive-suicidal black metal single. I got to taste the food only after an interview packed with almost every question The Demonstealer wanted me to answer on his cookery show.
I now think I should’ve skipped the questions on Satanism and Black Metal instead of struggling to answer them differently as I had nothing to add to what has already been said and written before, but what the hell, it’s not everyday you get to see the Solar Deity frontman disoriented (the result of long-term marijuana abuse) and being ruthlessly interrogated by the Demonic Resurrection frontman about what he really thinks of everything from his other band Exhumation to all the ass-licking local wuss bands that have no idea what being metal is about.
The Snowless Chicken Kiev is truly a feast for the senses (you can see in the video how enticing it looks), and as I slowly chewed the succulent chicken, the butter and garlic worked their magic on my tongue, and I shook my head in delight like any Gujarati does involuntarily every time some delicious food enters his belly and adds vitality to the darkness of his being and new meaning to his life.
The first 11 minutes of the episode offer you a fascinating lesson from The Demonstealer himself, as he shows you exactly how to prepare what will henceforth be known in the worlds of music and food as Snowless Chicken Kiev. The rest of the episode has him grilling me with some tough questions which people usually ask me anonymously on ask.fm. I thank The Demonstealer for inviting me to Headbanger’s Kitchen to gorge on his crunchy-on-the-outside and melt-in-your-mouth-on-the-inside Snowless Chicken Kiev, and of course, for helping me make some new enemies!
That, and my brother says I should use a concealer to hide my dark under-eye circles (the result of long-term alcohol abuse). Anyway, go ahead and try The Demonstealer’s Snowless Chicken Kiev recipe, and I hope you like the interview as well!
Several weeks ago I received a text message from Aditya Mehta saying “Six beers want to be reviewed by you”. Today I drank the last of those six beers, and so it is that my journey with Britain’s oldest brewery comes to an end – for now. Welcome to this; the concluding chapter of my boozy chronicle, in which I do what I do best. No prizes for guessing.
Our subject today is Shepherd Neame’s Master Brew – “The Local Hero” is what it says on the label. Of the six I’ve tried, this one seems to be the least traditionally inspired of Shepherd Neame’s beers. There are no tales of war and pilgrimage, no timeworn recipes, no antiquity by virtue of which you could hand this to a fellow drinker and say “Drink it for the context, motherfucker!” Judging by Shepherd Neame’s own standards, I’m a little disappointed at the history, or lack thereof, that underscores this particular brew.
As a drink, though, Master Brew is perfectly satisfying. It’s a gorgeous thing to look at, in its light amber colouring and foamy head, which sizzles as it rises to meet the rim of your glass. The aroma contains a distinct, hoppy crispness followed by a kaleidoscopic hit of malts, bread and rich toffee. These notes follow through on the palate in the same exact order, followed by an unsuspecting dash of citrus which leaves behind a bitterness akin to the typical English ale. The aftertaste will take a while to develop, and does not go well with toothpaste the next morning.
In the final analysis, Master Brew is as straightforward an English ale as I have drunk recently. It’s not pushing any boundaries, or developing any new flavours. Still, I salute the dudes over at Shepherd Neame; if not for anything else, then for at least being able to recreate the beauty of your staple English ale. It certainly counts for something in a world ruled by Kingfisher and Corona and Budweiser and all that other mediocre crap.