Posts Tagged ‘menu

18
Dec
16

Vegan Food in Mumbai: Pizza Roundup 2016

As if it isn’t shameful enough that Mumbai has zero exclusively vegan restaurants, its fancy eateries are embarrassing the city with mostly insipid fare that has been disappointing all the vegans. I’m a busy man who works six days a week, has cats to look after, bands that make music, and idiots to argue with on Facebook, so when I visit restaurants (that don’t even serve alcohol) three suburbs away for meals that aren’t cheap, it better be worth my time.

veganpizza

I ate my first vegan pizza at The Village Shop a year and a half after going vegan, and their Vegan Warmer (450/-) wasn’t too bad, but it didn’t make me want to eat it again. I had the best pizzas as a non-vegan at Alfredo’s, and The Village Shop‘s pizza didn’t do much for me.

However, I would go back for their Shiitake Falafel (a really good mushroom burger, 425/-) and The Nutwich (walnut pesto sandwich, 395/-).

veganpizzabirdsongThe Birdsong Cafe uses cashew cheese too, but is extremely stingy with it. Their Bird Song Marguerite (tomatoes and vegan cheese, 385/-) would have been really something had it been loaded with the cheese. Even those who’ve had the Farmer’s Pizza (it has a lot more toppings) have observed that The Birdsong Cafe is terribly miserly with the stuff that everybody wants more of on their pizzas. But the biggest disappointment was their Almond Pesto Pasta, a dish so bland that I had to leave it midway. When you’re paying five hundred rupees for a pasta, the restaurant should have some vegan cream or vegan butter or vegan whatever the fucking dish needs, yeah? I won’t be going back to The Birdsong Cafe even though their vegan cold coffee is the bomb.

rayspizzeriamenuWhen it comes to being lethargic, Ray’s Pizzeria and Cafe takes the fucking shit-cake. It is fucking understood by anyone who has ever eaten a slice of pizza that a pizza without cheese is like bhelpuri without chutney, but Ray’s Pizzeria has the fucking nerve to say things like “It is said that cheese is one of the 12,733,028 pizza toppings, so try our cheese-less pizzas.” And all their vegan pizzas are cheese-less, because these lazy pieces of shit want your money and want to seem cool by having “vegan options” on the menu but don’t want to make an effort to give you vegan cheese. Would Ray’s Pizzeria and Cafe have the shit in their ass to convince non-vegans that they don’t need cheese to enjoy a pizza? Because it’s easier and cheaper to steal milk from cows and buffaloes that have been tied to a spot, forcefully impregnated, injected with hormones, separated from their children, and will eventually become another topping on their fucked-up pizzas, right?

So now here’s what any restaurant that wants to offer the vegans a pizza should do:

  1. Make it cheesy. Have more than one vegan cheese on the menu. Buy local vegan cheese. Import vegan cheese. Make your own vegan cheese. Vegans don’t care how you do it – if you’re making them pay through their asses, you should be able to pull something out of your hat.
  2.  Veggie toppings are great, but have mock-meat toppings as well – most of us went vegan not because we stopped enjoying the taste or texture of meat but because we didn’t want to continue funding the meat and dairy industries. This will also make vegans drag their meat-loving friends to try your cruelty-free food and switch to healthier eating habits.
  3. Read the two points above carefully. Vegans want their pizzas and food in general to be exciting enough to make everybody else to know that they’re missing out on a lot of good food and a much better way to live. So make sure there’s enough cheese and proper toppings because the taste is not going to come from your ass.

Hit List: Indian Musicians You Didn’t Now Were Vegan

Vegan Food Review: Every Non-Vegan Restaurant

Vegan Food Review: The Calcutta Club

Vegan Recipe: Tameta Nu Shaak

12
Jul
11

Food Review: Kakori House

Kakori House is a restaurant chain that claims to have the secret recipe of the kakori kebab, which was prepared for a royal who lost his teeth while playing a sport. Such was his craving for meat, that his cooks invented a recipe for kebabs so soft that the ruler would be able to enjoy meat without having to wear dentures, which probably hadn’t been invented then. You know whose mom necessity is.

So we go straight for the kakori kebabs, which turn out to be the softest kababs (it reads better spelled this way) ever. So delicate and tasty that you don’t want to have them with the green chutney that has jeera in it. It is impossible to chew them – they can’t even be lifted off the plate as whole pieces. The mutton galawati kebabs are round and they taste exactly like the kakori kebabs, but all this special stuff is overpriced or too little in quantity, depending on how you choose to see it.

Next up is lagan ki boti – boneless mutton pieces in a curry which isn’t really there. The taste of the spices used here will stay with you till the end of the day and perhaps make you go back to Kakori House to try the other Awadhi dishes. It was a mistake having this almost-dry dish with roomali rotis. The haleem and warqi parathas look very nice but there is nothing about the haleem (mutton paste) which makes it stand out. Warqi parathas are cooked on an ulta tava and are thin and yellow. Maybe all this authentic lucknowi food would taste a lot better in Lucknow.

The dum gosht lucknowi biryani, which the manager claims everyone comes to Kakori House for, sucks. It is completely dry and devoid of flavour. There are about four mutton pieces in it, but neither that nor the unexciting raita can make up for the boring biryani. The manager then comes back and tells us everything on the menu is made from secret recipes that are known only to the owner and his wife. They should make sure the biryani recipe remains a secret.

REVIEW: Sernyaa REVIEW: Jafferbhai’s Delhi Darbar




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