Posts Tagged ‘oktoberfest


Beer Snobbery 4

Getting drunk all by yourself in bars will at some point lead to a stranger telling you that duplicate beer is sold all the time in this country. The much cheaper maal comes from other territories and is stocked by bars, pubs and restaurants because it means a bigger profit margin to them. Most of us may not realize it, but if your third or fourth bottle of lager tastes a bit different, chances are it’s the fake stuff. The ones who can understand this taste difference will have their query laughed off because they’ve had a few, and this is what happens all over India. I’ve had Kingfisher that tasted weird in a hotel in Jaipur, Rajasthan three years ago – I mean, it tasted weirder than Kingfisher does. This has been happening with ‘imported liquor’ for years; the branded scotch you pay big bucks for isn’t the real thing, and even the guy who owns or runs the liquor store may be unaware of it. To be on the safe side, what you can do is drink beer than cannot be duplicated. Just a few sips of Fuller’s London Pride Ale and Brooklyn Lager will tell you that some things cannot be duplicated. Cloned, yes… duplicated, no. Because if someone who wants to get rich quick could brew something of quality that high, they’d have their own brand out there. Even that fat booze baron Vijay Mallya can’t do it, and is taking over Heineken (the Kingfisher of its nation) because he is a boob.

Here’s how to not be a boob: Don’t go to the ‘official’ Mumbai Oktoberfest organized by the Indo-German Chamber of Whatever. I was there last year and it was an overblown event held to squeeze money out of people who thought they were being a part of something great by being there. On the last day of the event, people had to drink Kingfisher with the money they’d spent and learned nothing about German culture.

The Indo-German Chamber of Shit has started sending out emails to get people to make reservations for Oktoberfest 2011. They’ve stated in the email that it’s going to be 30,000 rupees (+ service tax) for a table of ten, but haven’t mentioned which German beers they’ll be pilaoing people this year. My guess is it’ll be the same beers they were trying to promote last year in the name of German culture. So, don’t be a trendy kid and fall victim to the hype, and don’t forget the official Oktoberfest is organized by the Indo-German Chamber of Commerce, which means they care about money more than anything else, and that they don’t really give a shit about beer or culture or you.

Oktoberfest 2011 you can celebrate by drinking the German Wheat Beer from Doolally – you can do this by going to the microbrewery in Pune or by visiting a pub that stocks their beers. Or you can go to Gurgaon because it has six microbreweries. Or you can buy beers of your choice from any Living Liquidz outlet in Mumbai and stay home. Just don’t settle for Kingfisher this year. Prost, ladies and gentlemen!

The Best Beers In India
Beer Snobbery 1
Beer Snobbery 2
Beer Snobbery 3


Beer Review: Erdinger Weissbier Dunkel

At last, the beer I didn’t get to drink at Oktoberfest… brought to my table at Sammy Sosa. The black liquid poured into the glass could pass off as a cola but it’s way heavier than any other beer I’ve had yet, but this could also be the result of the bottle being a half litre one. Erdinger Weissbier Dunkel smells and tastes of chocolate and toffee and is sugary as hell. I’m shocked to see a headless beer (this probably was an outdated bottle) but quite happy at how long it’s taking me to finish it.  A great blend of chocolate/toffee malts, but the thing is I don’t want a beer that tastes like fucking toffee, and unless you feel otherwise, Erdinger Weissbier Dunkel is worth a try, and maybe not a second buy.



Beer Review: Erdinger Weissbier

After six months I came face to face with this beer again – the first time was at Oktoberfest, where I had to force three litres of this weissbier down my throat. I couldn’t remember my name after that, or how I got back home, forget how this drink tasted. Sammy Sosa serves Erdinger Weissbier in a tall Erdinger glass (fuck you, Oktoberfest) – the drink pours pretty good, the texture looks more like diluted honey and this wheat beer has a thick head that reduces to a small one in a few minutes. The smell doesn’t offer much but the taste is close to the only other hefeweizen I’ve had – banana and wheat are what I got from the taste. What I’m happiest about is getting to drink this my way and at my pace.

RATING: 3.5/5

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Black Stool Awards – The Worst Of 2010


Prahlad Kakkar


Known as an outspoken guy amongst other things, adman Prahlad Kakkar raised a few laughs during a debate at the Mumbai Film Festival by taking potshots at Abhishek Bachchan, saying he should be in the Guinness Book of Records for having given 17 flops in a row. That was a pretty cool thing to say, considering everyone knows (but nobody says) that AB Junior isn’t a very good actor, and that the women who use words like ‘suave’ and ‘dashing’ to describe him wouldn’t have given him a second look had he not been Amitabh Bachchan’s son. Anyway, Prahlad soon realized that he might have gone overboard, and apologized to a fuming Abhishek who was in no mood to listen to anything. So, get this – fearless Prahlad Kakkar says it like it is, then apologizes for speaking the truth, has his apology rejected by the Bachchans, and will henceforth be known as a wimp. It may be a while before he starts smiling again.



Commonwealth Games Theme

Rahman the composer is going down because of Rahman the singer, and 2010’s CWG theme is further proof. Not like Jai Ho deserved any awards, but it at least let us know the Oscar jury hasn’t had access to good music in a very long time. The theme song for a national event should be a rousing, pumping track that would make the lame run a marathon, but the song AR Rahman charged more than five crore rupees for is just boring.



Khatta Meetha

Directed by trash-com king Priyadarshan and starring non-actor Akshay Kumar, Khatta Meetha is an unwatchable waste of reel that made hordes of people cover their ears and run out of movie theatres in sheer horror. What was I doing there? I was supposed to review the film but the decibel attack, unfunny jokes and general assault on my nerves made me walk out before the interval. Khatta Meetha is so unbearable that you can attack your enemies by sending them its DVD.



Victoria Bitter and XXXX Gold

I was stupid enough to buy into the hype and buy these lagers from Living Liquidz, and as punishment I forced myself to finish them. Victoria Bitter is a real chemical attack, and XXXX Gold is just crappy. If you thought Foster’s was bad, just try drinking these putrid beers from Australia.



Farah Khan

This was meant to be a Bimbette Of The Year award for Kareena Kapoor, but Saurin Parikh has been sending me death threats, so here I am picking on choreographer-director Farah Khan instead. The fat woman has something about her that’s so detestable that even an asshole like me can’t put a finger on what exactly it is. Her two films were utter rubbish that ran at the box office only because of Shahrukh Khan, and buzz is that she has run him down in her soon-to-release Tees Maar Khan. I’m not even sure why I don’t like this large person but I’ve learned to trust my instinct. I sure don’t want Tees Maar Khan to become a success (I’m a dick, but an honest one), and if the Indian Mujahideen so much as threaten to bomb theatres that screen the film, I swear I’ll take them all to The Blue Frog for the Sunday brunch.



Horn Ok Please

A dhaba-styled restaurant with a splendid setting that lured us right into the chakravyuh of waiters who demanded on seeing my business card because we wanted to take pictures of the impressive setup, Horn Ok Please gets this honour from us even though we haven’t tasted the food there. On being told they don’t serve alcohol, we excused ourselves to go to another place (our excuse: “we’re celebrating something”), and caught a ‘rick, when the chinky manager dashed towards the three-wheeler, stuck his head in and announced we’d have to go back because his boss wanted a word with us. The aggressive way in which they tried to intimidate us obviously didn’t go down well with us, even though the boss changed his tone when he realized we were going to be writing about his restaurant. We should’ve realized there’d be something wrong with a place that is empty on a Friday night despite being located on Gulmohar Road in Juhu, Vile Parle. We’re waiting for Horn Ok Please – The Great Indian Dhaba to shut down.




The most poorly organized event this year, Mumbai’s Oktoberfest ran out of German beer which they’d started chilling less than 30 minutes before the event finally began (two hours late), and someone tell the Indo-German Chamber Of Commerce that the last thing you offer Indians whilst introducing them to another nation’s culture and traditions is Kingfisher. And for hell’s sake, stop posting comments on my blog under different ids because I can see the IP address from here.

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