Posts Tagged ‘rajasthan


Beer Snobbery 4

Getting drunk all by yourself in bars will at some point lead to a stranger telling you that duplicate beer is sold all the time in this country. The much cheaper maal comes from other territories and is stocked by bars, pubs and restaurants because it means a bigger profit margin to them. Most of us may not realize it, but if your third or fourth bottle of lager tastes a bit different, chances are it’s the fake stuff. The ones who can understand this taste difference will have their query laughed off because they’ve had a few, and this is what happens all over India. I’ve had Kingfisher that tasted weird in a hotel in Jaipur, Rajasthan three years ago – I mean, it tasted weirder than Kingfisher does. This has been happening with ‘imported liquor’ for years; the branded scotch you pay big bucks for isn’t the real thing, and even the guy who owns or runs the liquor store may be unaware of it. To be on the safe side, what you can do is drink beer than cannot be duplicated. Just a few sips of Fuller’s London Pride Ale and Brooklyn Lager will tell you that some things cannot be duplicated. Cloned, yes… duplicated, no. Because if someone who wants to get rich quick could brew something of quality that high, they’d have their own brand out there. Even that fat booze baron Vijay Mallya can’t do it, and is taking over Heineken (the Kingfisher of its nation) because he is a boob.

Here’s how to not be a boob: Don’t go to the ‘official’ Mumbai Oktoberfest organized by the Indo-German Chamber of Whatever. I was there last year and it was an overblown event held to squeeze money out of people who thought they were being a part of something great by being there. On the last day of the event, people had to drink Kingfisher with the money they’d spent and learned nothing about German culture.

The Indo-German Chamber of Shit has started sending out emails to get people to make reservations for Oktoberfest 2011. They’ve stated in the email that it’s going to be 30,000 rupees (+ service tax) for a table of ten, but haven’t mentioned which German beers they’ll be pilaoing people this year. My guess is it’ll be the same beers they were trying to promote last year in the name of German culture. So, don’t be a trendy kid and fall victim to the hype, and don’t forget the official Oktoberfest is organized by the Indo-German Chamber of Commerce, which means they care about money more than anything else, and that they don’t really give a shit about beer or culture or you.

Oktoberfest 2011 you can celebrate by drinking the German Wheat Beer from Doolally – you can do this by going to the microbrewery in Pune or by visiting a pub that stocks their beers. Or you can go to Gurgaon because it has six microbreweries. Or you can buy beers of your choice from any Living Liquidz outlet in Mumbai and stay home. Just don’t settle for Kingfisher this year. Prost, ladies and gentlemen!

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Why I Loved 2008

Dec 26, 2008

Some awesome things have happened in 2008, and it has been the best year of my life so far. Here’s a summary of the unbelievably cool stuff that’s been going on with me.

First of all, I had a massive break-up just before 2008 began. Even though I wept like a pussy I didn’t forego the annual trip I make to Goa every January in Anjuna. I licked a transparent drop off the back of my right palm, understood everything about myself and the universe through hallucinations and came back to whatever was left of my senses and Bombay, only to return to Goa in June. This time, it was to meet a cool hot chick with whom I danced to some trance music outside Curlie’s at Anjuna beach.

Oh, the first thing I should’ve boasted about is my death metal band Exhumation winning Unchained ’08… on February 29, that too. My share of the prize money made it slightly easier for me to fly to Bangalore to witness thrash metal legends Megadeth in action.

Also attended a couple of fashion shows and spent most of that time at the free-booze bar validating whisky cocktails. A cop took advantage of my being drunk and handed me someone else’s license after stopping me at a check-point.

Then I went to Rajasthan for a month with my best friend who is now my girlfriend also. We went to Pushkar and some beautiful remote villages located deep inside the state using a useless bike. In Pushkar, I was accosted by a pandit who started telling me about the place without my having asked for his bullshit information. Y P Pandit asked to see my hand and started chanting something. Now I find these religious sales tactics a tad silly and decided to have some fun at what should have been my expense and laughed aloud when he said I owed him 1100 bucks. What a sucker of a priest, trying to squeeze money out of me!

Over the next two days, the semi-clad pandit always managed to spot me in the crowded market and if it weren’t for his stupid grin I might have been polite to him. Still breathing just to hear that I am a Satanist, asshole? But my Bombay Hindi did the trick before that. A firm ‘Dimaag mat chaat‘ (don’t lick my mind) made him back off for good, the stupid grin still plastered across his greedy face, while I proceeded with my guitar to jam with a bald British flautist on the hotel lawn overlooking the Brahmasarovar.

On returning to Bombay, I landed the coolest job on the planet thanks to my shoelaces which were untied. I watch movies and listen to music albums and write my ruthless opinions about them. I get to praise Metallica, Guns N’ Roses and Ram Gopal Varma as much as I want and also make fun of ridiculous celebrity statements with a good amount of enthusiasm.

Oh yes, check out the irony. I’m the only Satanist on Earth who uploads Christmas carols and makes slideshows on movies to watch during this cheery festive season. Most of my friends are thoroughly amused so you too are allowed to laugh… just this once. Buzz off!

Coming soon…Not too much, though – and don’t show your teeth


The biased views expressed in this awesome blog belong to none other than me. Who else would they belong to, jackass? My kickass opinions are NOT endorsed by my employers or organisation, mainly because no one agrees with me. Also, this blog may contain explicit language not suitable for retards.

Posted by Aditya Mehta { 2 } Comments
(From my Buzz18 blog “Lashkar-E-Shaitan”)

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