Posts Tagged ‘salman khan

15
Sep
12

Music Review: Priyanka Chopra – In My City

Joining the long list of auto-tuned singers who make mediocre bubble-gum pop music is Bollywood’s Priyanka Chopra. Once my favourite, PC is taking herself down the drain by doing everything possible to stay afloat in a film industry which can’t make up its mind about whether to use her talent as in arty films or exploit her looks by casting her in commercial crap. Priyanka herself seems to be confused about what to do, and as a result has been underwhelming in the offbeat movies she’s been selecting, and has now come to us in the garb of a singer, with her single “In My City”.

In My City has Priyanka Chopra welcoming everybody to her city for hell-knows-what reason, considering it’s already overpopulated, and to party, of all the reasons. Helping her usher the world’s moronic teens into amchi Mumbai is Will.i.am, who couldn’t come up with anything creative to do with his name.

“We do it all night long,” sings Priyanka Chopra, talking about partying, of course – but that’s a lie, considering we have policemen disciplining even roadside stalls before midnight. Priyanka could also be talking about having sex all night long, but it sounds like a fake promise going by the low energy of the song. The zeal is obviously fake, the energy is clearly low, and the song neither catchy nor worth a second listen.

That Salman Khan heard it thrice back to back itself says a lot. That guy can’t act and neither does he understand music. He makes Sajid-Wajid work in all his brainless movies, so you can’t really take him seriously. Only Salman Khan can appreciate and be moved by the boorish tunes Himesh Reshammiya comes up with, so yeah.

Anyway, Priyanka Chopra’s In My City is a crap song; it sounds manufactured and will please only the masses who will be thrilled because it sounds western. Look at Priyanka’s behaviour and you’ll notice she’s got a massive Cheryl Tweedy-Cole hangover.

RATING: 1.5/5

MUST SEE: James Hetfield in Mumbai

Movie Review: Barfi | Court Verdict on the Gutka Ban

26
Aug
11

Movie Review: Lalit Marathe’s Shabri (2011)

Shabri is a painfully dull and shallow film that fails to engage on any level

Zakir Hussain is the only actor in Shabri whose presence can give the viewer some respite, but what he and the guy who will forever be remembered as Ghajini are doing in this painfully dull movie is something even they might not be able to answer. Lalit Marathe tries very hard to recreate the magic of RGV’s gangster flicks, but there is only one RGV, and there is zero hope for Shabri.

Neither do you feel anything for Shabri nor does her coldness intrigue you, and the other characters are limp and lifeless like the story. The premise sounds exciting, no doubt – Mumbai’s first woman gangster, but the lady ain’t no Satya (or Bhiku Mhatre, if there can be another one), and Shabri is bogged down by the shallow plot and the director shoving close-ups of the actors in your face to make you feel their… whatever they’re feeling.

The screenplay is frustrating, the dialogues have been written thoughtlessly, the acting is directionless, and the twists are laughable.

A drunk cop shoving a rod up a boy’s ass or a matka king ripping an errant subordinate’s ear off with a supari cutter won’t excite anyone in 2011. These things don’t shock anyone when they’re inserted in a movie so low on substance.

Isha Koppikar (or however she spells her name now) barks at people when she’s not expressionless. She is Shabri: an uncouth, gun-toting woman in a tattered saree – a character so ghati unappealing that even RGV might not get turned on by her. Shiney Ahuja might like her, but he’ll lose the erection when this bai lifts her saree and points the gun at him and growls, “Mai tereko boli thi!”

I feel terrible for the filmmaker because this movie should have been released and forgotten when it was made, because multiplex goers won’t want to touch Shabri, and she would’ve stood a better chance with single-screen audiences had they not been gearing up for Salman Khan’s next atrocity.

RATING: 1/5

REVIEWS: Not A Love Story | Shaitan | Paanch | Company | Satya | Rann

20
Feb
10

The World Keeps Turning

Mar 19, 2009

Didn’t care about the Filmfare Awards till Manoj Bajpai was nominated for his performance in SatyaMumbai ka king Bhiku Mhatre ‘lost’ the Best Supporting Actor trophy to Salman Khan’s cameo in some dumb tearjerker. Now I don’t care about the Filmfare circus all over again.

Just when I thought Bollywood couldn’t get any more ridiculous, along comes the news that Amitabh Bachchan’s son will be addressing the Wharton Economic India Forum. This expressionless dude is always in the news for either breaking some dumb record no one with half a brain should even care about or saying sweet things about his wife (to the media). Now he will spout piles of pretentious bullshit to a dumb audience which will be paralysed star-struck. Has Pa blogged about it yet? I guess he has.

Something ultra-cool in Gulaal – the word ‘nihilism’ is written on the blackboard. Anurag Kashyap sure knows how to keep everyone in the audience hooked. Liked Gulaal better than Dev. D but I wish there weren’t so many people smoking joints. It gets boring after awhile, even for people who like a spliff every now and then.

Is there anyone else who’s plain sick of reading about Jade Goody? Did we care enough about her life to care about her death? That she became a celebrity by being on reality shows can be overlooked, but hogging the limelight while dying and ensuring she continues to get attention even a few days after her death is pushing it too far. While it may seem fitting that she gives her death to reality tv since it gave birth to her celeb status, I’m mighty bored. Hey man, people die all the time, and unless you’re being munched on by a Saltwater crocodile or are dying of a drug overdose, don’t be in the bloody news. Oh well, at least no one’s talking about the highly overrated Slumdog Millionaire anymore.

Coming soon… My Stomach Keeps Churning

DISCLAIMER: These wonderful views are entirely my own.

[From my Buzz18 blog “Lashkar-E-Shaitan”]

04
Feb
10

The Drunk Bitch

Illustration by Ashwin Dutt <> Text & Concept by Aditya Mehta

22
Jan
10

Movie Review: Veer

Movie: “Veer” (2010)

Actors: “Salman Khan”, “Mithun Chakraborty”, “Jackie Shroff”, “Zarine Khan”

Salman Khan needs to lay off the fucking booze. There are only so many times you can fool the audience and Salman Khan has run out of times. Contrary to what was expected, Salman Khan plays himself yet again in Veer, a half-ass excuse for an epic. I don’t even feel like writing about this piece of shit that Salman Khan has excreted sitting on Vijay Galani’s shoulders. Mithun Chakraborty is the only tolerable actor in Veer. It’s high time someone gave some cold facts straight to Salman Khan. Please be reading this, you drunk idiot – stop expecting your fans to fall for anything you do in name of acting. Khan hasn’t acted in years, and he was lucky to have choreographer Prabhu Dheva directing him in Wanted last year, as nobody expected anything from either and it turned out to be brainless timepass.

Salman Khan should’ve waited for another five years to bring to life this pathetic script of his because Subhash Ghai would’ve surely made and paid for the disaster called “Veer”. With Katrina Kaif, that too. Speaking of Katrina Kaif, her lookalike Zarine Khan is a bloody joke. At least, Katrina would’ve added value to the bullshit.

Mithun Chakraborty is alright as Salman’s drunk father, he gets his share of the limelight, but the once-fabulous actor known as Jackie Shroff is lost and directionless throughout the first part of Veer.

Speaking of direction, give me five whole minutes to laugh. Who is this birdbrain Anil Sharma? And who is the bigger moron who let Anil Sharma direct “Veer”? Someone who doesn’t know how to hold a camera would’ve done a far better job than this hare-brain called Anil Sharma. The spot boy, for example. If you cuntlappers are wondering why I’m so pissed off, it’s because I no longer get invited to press shows and have to part with hard-earned money for garbage like “Veer”.

Now I truly understand how you mortal bastards feel.

Anyway, I don’t think Salman Khan will get off alcohol anytime soon because he’ll need plenty of whatever he drinks to help him sleep at night after the debacle called “Veer”. Salman Khan, whenever you read this, and I know you will – drinks lots of whatever you like and give your luckless producer even more of it. Don’t give anything to Anil Sharma, not even if he asks for it.

VERDICT

Fuck off, you’ve got to be kidding.

RATING: 1/5

16
Jan
10

Salman, Vinay Or Abhay

Feb 17, 2009

Had the pleasure of watching three new films over the weekend and it sure feels good to say the trends are changing. Slowly, but steadily and surely. The screenplay of Luck By Chance is similar to that of Dil Chahta Hai – with non-clichéd dialogue and interesting interaction between the characters. When you are impressed with a movie primarily for not employing the clichés of filmmaking, you can understand the majority of the flicks being churned out are of poor quality.

Dev D is another movie to watch, and Anurag Kashyap and Abhay Deol the men to watch out for. As far as the Bollywood style of movie making goes, these guys flung the books out of the window long back. So our current movie idols will have to pull something out of their hats if they want to retain their ‘superstar’ tag.

The audience is definitely changing – there are so many people who loved Dasvidaniya and thought it was great to have an unconventional ‘hero’. Not only was it a refreshing change to have Vinay Pathak as the leading actor, but the story was so far away from what Bollywood usually comes up with.

And speaking of what Bollywood usually comes up with, nobody in the Hindi film industry has any business complaining about Slumdog Millionaire. While how many awards it deserves and how Mumbai has been portrayed in the movie is something people can argue about till the cows come home, the bottomline is no Indian director took on the story and made a film on it. What’s important is to admit to ourselves that it takes a Danny Boyle flick to show us how a movie that shows the slums of our city should be made. We don’t complain about trash coming out of Bollywood, and SM is a pretty good Hollywood product – so what’s the big noise about? Do yourselves a favour and rent a DVD of Trainspotting – you’ll either rip it off or give up filmmaking. Buzz off!

Posted by Aditya Mehta |  { 5 } Comments

From my Buzz18 blog “Lashkar-E-Shaitan”

16
Oct
09

MOVIE REVIEW: Main Aur Mrs Khanna

Surprise, surprise!

Surprise, surprise!

From director Prem Soni comes an unpretentious little film called Main Aur Mrs Khanna. Cliché-free and with everyone in it ‘acting’ instead of merely saying their lines, Main Aur Mrs Khanna is a sweet and engaging watch.

Samir Khanna (Salman Khan, acting!) and Raina Khanna (Kareena Kapoor, acting!!) are braving a financial crisis in Melbourne when Mr Khanna decides to leave for Singapore to turn his career around and makes arrangements for Mrs Khanna to leave for Delhi.

Mrs Khanna decides to stay back in Australia, and meets Akash (Sohail Khan, ACTING!!!) at the airport and also manages to land a job there. Akash falls for Mrs Khanna but instead of letting her know, just helps her out at every possible turn.

Mr Khanna returns from Singapore more successful than ever to take Mrs Khanna back, and what happens then is for you to watch in a theatre.

Salman Khan drops his superstar act and transforms back into Salman Khan the actor. This is the second time in my life I liked Kareena Kapoor (after Jab We Met) and the first time I liked Sohail Khan (he’s acting, believe it or not). Yash Tonk is awesome as Sohail’s buddy, Mahek Chahal looks hot, Nauheed Cyrusi tries to look hot, Bappi Lahiri is cool as the jewellery store owner (how perfect), Preity Zinta is in a well-timed cameo, as is Deepika Padukone.

Sentimental fools like me will feel a lump in their throat, and if you’ve had a relationship setback you might even find yourself fighting back tears. Several light moments have been sprinkled carefully all over the movie, so it never gets too intense, and a lot of those light moments are very funny.

For a change, I don’t feel like complaining about Sajid-Wajid’s music.

The best thing about Main Aur Mrs Khanna is it moves along at a pleasant pace and is perfectly balanced with humorous and emotional scenes.

VERDICT

Unpretentious, short and sensible, Prem Soni’s Main Aur Mrs Khanna comes as an unexpected surprise. Way to go!

RATING: 3.5/5

MOVIE REVIEW: Blue




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