Posts Tagged ‘sober


The Art Of Drinking Beer

Getting it right in Jaipur.

A little over three weeks after going sober is the best time to impart hidden knowledge to all.

How To Drink Beer
Take the beer bottle and make sure it’s extremely chilled. Borrow a bottle opener and get rid of the crown. If you don’t have a bottle opener, make your drummer use his teeth. Hold the drummer sideways, pinch his tailbone to open his jaws. Open Sesame! Now pour it into an empty pitcher, glass, mug or drink it straight from the bottle. Don’t waste time balancing it on your tongue, rolling, swirling the glass, trying to figure out the exact taste, spitting it out into a bucket and taking notes and all that weak shit. Fucking drink it like a man. Drink it!

It’s That Time Of The Year Again

Every year brings to me unasked for misery without fail. While I do enjoy moping around like a sober Goth on a dry day for say, a weekend every six months, helplessness is the uninvited ushpizin that always overstays his welcome. He just won’t leave till I pack my bags and announce a week’s holiday in Goa or some lesser paradise.

So I’m giving off most of the signs of being bipolar. My maternal and paternal grandfathers were diabetic, so sugar problems are all set to embrace me as diabetes skips a generation and I happen to be the lucky first born.

Going through a list of bizarre mental disorders can be an enriching experience. Schizotypal Personality Disorder, I belong to you. Derealization, you belong to me. Frotteurism, let’s pretend we don’t know each other.

“Mehta, you’re a hypochondriac,” said someone to me two, three years ago when I didn’t know what it meant. “The problem has finally been diagnosed,” I thought, relieved that my confusion was about to come to an end.

Taking a cue from 2007, 2009 hits me with the annual shit segment in December. This is not what I meant by year end special. At the ripe old age of 28, life tries to convince me yet again that love can knock at the door as easily as it can fly out of the window. Ring my bell.

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Why I Loved 2008

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